Once Upon A Memory
by K212
Summary: Chuck Bass doesn't remember. He doesn't remember being shot. He doesn't remember buying a hotel. He doesn't remember his father dying. But at least he still had Serena, Nate, and... Blair. Rating T/M
1. Chapter 1: Prologue

**AN:**

**A few facts to take into consideration before reading this story, and heading to disappointment from the start:**

**1. ****This is a Chuck Blair story, despite whom she is with at the start. It's temporary I assure you, and reading on will help you realize that.**

**2. ****Georgina's return didn't happen.**

**3. ****All other occurrences from the show, if not denied or stated against later on in the story; should be presumed applicable.**

**I figure this is probably not how season four would be like at all, and isn't for obvious reasons. I'll see what the masses think before I update regularly, and appreciate feedback on my writing, and choice of plot.**

**Thank you for reading.**

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* * *

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**Paris**

"Is Serena coming back anytime soon?" Nate asked desperately, managing to take off his shirt before grabbing her back to kiss.

"No," Blair responded, "but hurry up anyways". Their lips barely separating for her to speak.

"I can't believe we haven't been caught yet," Nate admitted. They finally broke apart, leaving each other panting; wanting for more, as indicated by how fast Nate undid his pants. Blair was already unzipping her dress, taking a few steps back to give him space to get as naked as fast as he could, while she did the same.

"I must say Archibald, you're pretty good at it," she let the material pool around her feet as she stood there in her underwear, leaning against the wall to take off her shoes, as Nate did the same but against a table. Shoes, socks, nothing but underwear would remain... for now.

"I've had my fair share of sneaking around Blair," he reminded her. He finally managed to take everything off, other than his boxers, and took a moment to admire her in nothing but her own lingerie. He just stared, for a moment, lost for words whenever he got to see her like this. She was a beauty to say the least, and for now he would be her beast.

"Well, are you just going to stand there?" She gave him a knowing smirk and he smiled eagerly taking a step towards her, capturing her lips with his, only to fall backwards onto the bed.

Paris was oh so fucking great.

* * *

"It's so great you came to visit Eric!" Serena yelled, hugging her brother close while walking down the streets of Paris. It was gorgeous, having spent the day exploring the magical city. The two just left Laduré, grabbing a couple of drinks and a box of macaroons, for herself and Blair to share. They enjoyed devouring the sweets whenever they were getting ready for a night out, it was a guilty pleasure they enjoyed over the summer.

"I know, a month away and you've already started to need my help. I can't believe you convinced mom to ship me over here, just so you could avoid Nate." Eric shook his head in disbelief, his mother was quick to send him over with Nate and Mrs. Archibald. The two girls were left alone in Paris for the majority of their trip, excluding the weekend spent with Blair's father, and the few days they saw Blair's mother, when she happened to be in town with Cyrus.

"Blair and Serena time's always a blast," she explained, speaking of herself in third person. "But after a while, Blair can get judgmental about the guys, especially when she keeps passing up on all her offers." Serena let out a disappointed sigh, having hoped that the other girl moved on.

The holiday has been amazing. She got to spend time with her best friend, sipping on drinks at bars and cafes all over Paris. Making sure to be seen in all the best places, and by the best men too. Serena also found herself a fair amount of Parisian lovers to have a weekend's fling with. Blair, on the other hand, refused to ever see the guy again after a night's conversation, barely even allowing him that.

At least now that Nate's here, Blair ended up spending time with him rather than Serena. Allowing her time alone with her brother to catch up, and enjoy the city, without dealing with her ex-boyfriend. How Blair did it surprised her; even if they ended it on good terms, it wasn't easy seeing Nate, and was thankful she barely had to, other than the occasional outing with Anne Archibald.

"You think she still likes Chuck?" Eric stopped and turned to his sister. Chuck had been unattainable for over a month. Not much was thought of it. He was not one to be found when he wanted to be left alone. Eric didn't even really care about the boy after all that's transpired with Jenny; purely asking concerned for Blair.

"I don't think she's going to start trusting anyone anytime soon", Serena gave out the most reasonable answer she could muster. Blair couldn't even kiss Cameron, and they actually had been on dates. So for her to kiss a guy she just met in Paris, especially when she doesn't give them a chance to get close, seemed impossible.

* * *

"That was amazing," Nate admitted breathlessly as he turned to the brunette at his side, "remind me again why we ever broke up?"

"No Nate," she shook her head, "this isn't us getting back together...". She got up on her elbows, holding the covers to her body as she looked over to the blonde. "This is just good friends helping each other out."

"I know", he nodded. "Doesn't mean it was any less amazing though," he smiled over to her and she in turn smiled to him, sharing another kiss once he leaned up to her height.

"You should go..." she spoke up before they could end up repeating their earlier activities. "Serena and Eric might have finished shopping, and we're supposed to go out for dinner with your mom later tonight."

"Alright..." he got out of her bed with a groan and started to pick up his clothes. "Same time tomorrow?" He turned to her with a proud childish grin, having pulled his pants back on.

She crawled to the edge of the bed, leaning up to give him one last kiss. He smiled against her lips, dressed to leave, but wouldn't without hearing the confirmation she'd whispered to him over the past week.

"Absolutely"

* * *

**New York**

"Welcome home Mr. Bass!" An employee announced once he jumped out of the helicopter. He turned back to help Chuck step out, and allowed him a moment to take in the city view.

New York's never looked so different to him.

"Thanks". He looked around, but shook his head in disbelief of the situation he was now in. "Is Arthur going to be driving me?" He asked the employee, knowing he would correct any mistakes.

"Arthur has been on his break for over a month now sir. Where would you like to go?" The man asked as he opened the limo's door.

"The Palace." Chuck responded casually.

"Sir, don't you mean the Empire?" He reminded him. He had to. He was paid to do just that.

"Where do I live now?" He returned to the employee, genuinely unknowing.

"The Empire, sir. Is there anywhere else you'd rather go?" The employee waited patiently, as he had been throughout the duration of performing tasks of correcting, and reminding.

"Is Nathaniel Archibald available?" He missed his friends. He missed everyone. Even though it felt like he only just saw them a couple of weeks ago. He woke up surprised to be anywhere other than his bed, in his suit, in The Palace. But he was in Prague, with a pain in his side, and little to no recollection of why. So he called up his private investigator, asked him about the latest news, and once he had realized it was no longer the year he thought it was, he took the initiative of hiring a memory guide. He even took his time reading up on his work and Bass industries, not that he was able to retain much either. It was too much, and he was quick to give up on the idea of catching up alone.

"Unfortunately, Mr. Archibald is in Paris with his mother. So are Miss Van Der Woodsen, and Miss Waldorf."

He cursed under his breath. Even Serena and Blair were out of the question too, and he had one last option since finding out his father was dead.

"Where does Lillian Van Der Woodsen live?"

"Lillian – Humphrey - Sir". The employee corrected him, again.

"Of course" He shook his head in shame of having to depend on another.

So much has happened, changed. His dad dying was one thing that really shocked him, and not even remembering it was worse. To wake up not knowing that his father was gone … and now none of his friends were around, and as all hell would have it, he didn't even live at home anymore and was expected to run a whole company. Fuck, why couldn't he remember?


	2. Chapter 2

**Paris**

"I really can't figure out any reason your mom would need you back early for; you're utterly useless." Blair ridiculed with a glint of mischief as she studied an article of clothing that made her question Serena's taste, before moving on to more interesting choices of lingerie.

"I don't know!" Serena responded rather frantically, not caring much for Blair's mockery of her; and only returning to the brunette to snatch her panties back, and throw them in the bag with everything else.

"You could have asked," Blair not really sure how she felt about her friend leaving this soon. They were meant to head off to Cannes tomorrow, but now their plans changed and Serena and Eric were going home for god knows what reason. The blonde didn't even bother asking about it during the phone call she'd received two days ago, and didn't question it since. Blair had a suspicion but ignored it. With Serena gone she may benefit with some time to satisfy her needs less secretively. However, she had to admit she enjoyed sneaking around often.

"Blair!" Serena once again had to snatch her lingerie from Blair, whom was lost in thoughts that disregarded Serena's underwear, and more her own.

"I'm sorry S. I can't help you pack when everything I'm finding makes me question our friendship," she teased at the far too revealing choices that Serena has made during her purchases, and the occasional granny pair didn't help either, just caused more contradictive confusion.

"Maybe you should focus more on my dresses than my underwear drawer." Serena was not in the mode, she was upset she had to go, but she knew she had no choice. She had to go.

"Don't you mean "our"...? I'm quite sure this is mine" Blair pulled out a bra she was positive she purchased with matching panties from La Perla on this trip. Oh the things they share, underwear, dresses, boys...

"Oh yeah I was meant to give those back" Serena bit her lip in pretend worry. She couldn't really stay frustrated, she had little time left with her travel buddy and she insisted to enjoy them.

"Keep it." Blair managed her response as both laughed, not really wanting to wear something Serena borrowed while most likely in bed with another man. "I'm sure Javier enjoyed ripping them off you," she tossed it in the bag that accumulated more clothes than it could really handle, but neither seemed to care to point it out.

"It's not like you've been using them to their full potential B!" Serena replied before turning back to throw a pile of jeans into another bag, finally admitting to have reached the first's maximum capacity. "And Javier didn't get that far," but many others have.

"Just because I haven't been with every available man to forget a mistake I've made, doesn't mean I believe in disregarding a good set of lingerie," Serena ignored Blair's criticism, knowing full well how the brunette believed herself to never make mistakes; at least not ones she would admit to easily without a caveat at the least.

"What are you talking about?" Serena played oblivious, and for the sake of whatever time they had left together on this trip; Blair let it slide as well.

"You ready yet?" Eric knocked on the door to their hotel room that they left open as bag after bag was taken to the lobby.

"No," Serena moped, taking an overly exasperated seat on her bed that was still half covered in clothes. She wasn't as upset about leaving her clothes, than actually leaving Paris. It was an escape she didn't want to return from. Even Nate didn't care to bring up anything with her, busying himself elsewhere.

"Don't worry S. I'll have the rest sent over when I get back next week," Blair replied. Knowing the extent of Serena's worry, but regarding only the matter she could assist with for now.

"I'm sorry I'm leaving B," Serena hugged her best friend as her brother struggled to close the many bags he managed to find open in the room.

"Madmoiselle." A bellboy greeted as he took the bags and carried them onto the hotel's trolley and down the staff lift. Once everything was in order they left the room and the three went down the other elevator.

"Hey" Nate walked up to the three in the lobby, extending his hand to shake Eric's, before turning to Blair, wrapping an arm around her waist in a hug and kissing her cheeks as the French do before turning to Serena awkwardly. She shot him a smile and he returned it happily before hugging her. They could be civil, and friendly. He still had feelings for her, but they were friends first, and they can't give up on that.

Serena didn't mind as much as she thought she would. Nate had been her friend for so long. So what if they weren't together anymore. They could still be friends for sure. They have slept together once and managed to maintain a partially normal friendship. It can't be difficult now.

"I hope everything's ok back home," he managed before letting her go. "You guys need anything you let us know," he shot a glance at Eric as well. Blair's phone rang at that instant and she turned to take the call.

"We will. Thank you again for bringing me over her Nate." Eric thanked the older boy before passing them to make sure everything is in order and checking himself out of the hotel. It was always easier to stay in a hotel, with 24-service, and no worry about having family move in at anytime. Despite how welcoming Eleanor and Cyrus were, it would still be awkward bringing home a strange French man. At least Blair knew to be elsewhere; shopping.

"Serena, seriously you need anything you let me know," Nate emphasized, sure he might not be over the blonde; but he won't wait this time around. If she wanted them to work, then she'd have to put the extra hours to figure it out. He would still be her friend.

"I know. You have to take care of Blair now; don't let her pass up any more well worthy men." Serena joked, nudging him in the side to emphasize her point.

"I won't," Nate laughed.

"Very funny," Blair ended her call and returned to them. "I'm going to miss you S, and your flaunt of French admirers," Blair hugged Serena as they said their goodbyes. They continued walking out of the hotel, and took another moment to hug again.

"Just don't get too bored without me," they got to the car outside the hotel, and watched as the staff went to work with their luggage.

"In Cannes? Please," she waved the idea off as ridiculously as it sounded. "Although life guards aren't an ideal, with the variety available it may just become so difficult to choose that I'll have to call you back before the week's even over"

"Let's hope so," Nate held the car door open for Serena, as Eric was getting into the front passenger seat himself. "Bye B!" She called out of the rolled down window.

"Bye S. Take care of your family, because I'm not returning to an Upper East Side where the Humphrey name is spamming the papers." Everyone laughed as the Van Der Woodsen siblings went off. Blair was due back in a week, so they wouldn't miss each other that much, but still...

The car drove away and turned around the corner. Neither Nate or Blair could see it now, and more importantly be seen by it. Nate felt rather obliged at the realization to lean over and kiss Blair's cheek again.

"Impatient aren't we Archibald," she managed a smirk as his lips lingered against her skin. She finally turned to face him, confident enough that the tourists lingering in around them have no idea who they are. She would usually presume that everyone knew her, but since they spoke in Italian, it was highly doubted.

"You enjoy putting me through hell," he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her body closer, tempted to start kissing her. He may not have any feelings of love for the brunette, but she was absolutely tempting in many ways.

"I do enjoy games," she traced an imaginary line up and down his chest teasingly. It was purely physical, neither planned to end the chance to forget about heart break, and enjoy the pleasure that two beautiful people could create with one another.

"We'll play all the games we want in Cannes," he leaned in to kiss her but she turned her head so his lips would land nowhere near hers. Despite it usually leading to the inevitable, Blair still enjoyed elongating the experience; making him suffer, beg, and whatever else came to mind as pleasurable.

"Speaking of which," she added as she pushed his chest away. "I managed to get us a room overlooking the beach in the hotel de Paris," she smiled. He had let her go, for now. He knew she was refraining from any public displays for a reason, which has been the usual excuse she used. He just didn't care as much of what society thought as her, but he respected it regardless. Possibly due to the Van Der Bilt blood, and the fun of it being a secret, and well... Serena.

"For two people who aren't in a relationship, a getaway doesn't seem like a good idea Blair," he added mordantly. He did want to be with her, he wasn't one for being with people he wasn't exclusive with. Other than the cougar, but he couldn't help it. He was eighteen, it was an accomplishment. He tried sleeping with random whores, but even that didn't exactly work; in more reasons than one. Besides, it didn't mean anything more than a safe summer romance. He couldn't catch an STD from Blair. And what others didn't know about, shouldn't concern them. It was enjoying the now, forgetting the later.

"I think what we do behind closed doors is our own business Nate. And you are free to go after other women if you choose to do so," she didn't want him to. She liked having Nate as a romantic summer fling. It beat having him as a long term boyfriend. But she didn't love him. She couldn't. She wouldn't be in a relationship with a guy whom she didn't love. Not unless she got something out of it. She managed to get what she needs, or at least close to it; with Nate. She just couldn't let anyone else close enough to comply to a favour like this, and with Nate, he wanted her just as much as she did he. It was mutual, casual, sex.

"In that case, could we get up to your room and close the door to get down to business?" He managed and she smiled at how ridiculous he sounded. He was such a kid, and he grew up in a way that didn't affect him when he was around her. Together they were still kids at heart, and things like this could easily excite them just as it did back in the day when the epitome of their relationship would be defined on sex they were able to have on a usual basis now. It still feels like it's what they were always trying to work their way towards. It took her back to days before all the heart break and pain, and it was fun. So what if it was an imaginary escape for her, she deserved a vacation.

"Definitely"

* * *

**New York**

"I rather not speak with her" Chuck stood his ground. He'd been back for one night. He went to see Lilly and found her in the arms of one Rufus Humphrey. That turned his stomach as one of his last memories of Lilly was finding her with his father. Despite having known of her current marital relation with the other man, he still found the image of the truth as one to detest. In addition to having that man now stay in his home, his father's home, it was all unbearable. "Get rid of her"

"Sir, she has every right to be in the hotel; as your legal guardian..." The employee responded, hoping that Chuck didn't intend to _get rid of he_r by any other means. "She's become the owner."

"I don't want to speak with her." Chuck affirmed, having been tossing a bouncy ball against the wall of the suite he'd grown up in. This was home, not that awful place filled with a sense of depravity he couldn't ignore. So he returned to the place where only good memories existed, at least the only ones he could recall, and played with his bouncy ball while laying on his bed.

"Charles" Damn bitch.

"Peter, see to it that Mrs. Humphrey," his voice seethed at the name, "is escorted out of my room."

"That will be all Peter," the employee nodded and left the room silently at Lilly's orders. Chuck only continued bouncing his ball in agitation.

"So you own the hotel, and the staff... what more of my father's possessions have you taken ownership of," It wasn't a question, and he didn't wait for an answer, "because it'd be a cold day in hell before you have any say on what I do."

"I can only begin to understand what you're going through Charles, but you have to come home." She pleaded with him, knowing better than to take his attacks seriously. The man in front of her was the boy she'd known years ago. He hadn't come to terms with ideas he's only recently been able to comprehend. He's lost, wounded, and hurt all over from having lost everything all over again.

"I AM home!" He emphasized his suite again. It felt safe; it was the same, just like everything else should be.

"Stay with us. Serena and Eric should arrive sometime tomorrow, and we'll all find a way to help you." She tried again, but to no avail. Chuck was determined to remain in his own cocoon until all has returned to normal.

"I don't want your help," He got off his bed, discarding the ball, and passed her on his way out the bedroom, and to the bar; to find something to drink.

"You need us Charles," she followed him cautiously, "And no matter what you say or remember, you're still my family." Lilly took a stood strong on the other side of the bar and reached for his hand that held onto a glass of scotch for dear life. "If you'll only give me the chance, I'll do all I can to help you remember everything... I must have done something right for you to have agreed to me being your guardian," she smiled hopefully as Chuck only stared away hurt. She had a valid point, and that made sense to Chuck. Validity made sense when everything else didn't. He didn't trust her enough; he didn't even know her well enough to care. She mothered Serena, that alone labels her as an incompetent parent, yet it made sense. He wouldn't have trusted her to be his guardian without knowing she was well enough up for the task.

"Tell me everything." That's as far as he would go to admitting he needed help. Small steps, where facts needed to be shown, recollected. His life couldn't be bullet pointed to him as it had been during his hospital stay. He needed them to be presented in a way he could really believe, despite the evidence, some things made more sense when they were there. Presented as precisely as possible, because as far as he knows; his case was a rather hopeless one.

* * *

**Cannes**

"You know this was actually fun," Nate joked as he passed Blair an ice cream cone.

"Who would have thought we could actually enjoy each other's company as just friends," Blair's sarcasm didn't go unnoticed, but Nate took it in stride and laughed.

"You know I didn't mean it like that!" He nudged her as they walked side by side along the street, back from the beach to their hotel. "It's just we never really hang out Blair"

"I know... but between, everything," not bothering to mention their history and their different interest with each other's best friends. Especially when it came down to where those interests have led them.

"We didn't really have the time," Nate smiled and wrapped an arm around Blair to pull her closer. "But you're actually pretty cool, going jet skiing with me."

"It was pretty fun, and now you owe me a lovely dinner." She walked ahead, out of his grasp to turn and face him. "But not before another fun activity," he walked into where she stood. She suggestively pushed her hips against his, and he smiled. If he didn't know any better, he'd say that this person was not the same girl he's been with most of his life.

"I'm so thankful my mom decided to stay in Paris," he leaned down and kissed her just as they stood in front of their hotel. Best holiday ever, too bad it was just an excuse to avoid the reality that they weren't together, won't be with each other as anything other than beneficial friends, and both can't seem to get over those who broke their hearts.

* * *

**New York**

"Mom!" Serena and Eric both jumped their mother in a hug. It has been a long time, and it was nice to find her waiting for them at home. Their hug was short lived when Chuck presented himself.

"Serena" He nodded towards the older blonde.

"What's he doing here?" Eric sneered, not having forgiven Chuck for everything with Jenny. Rufus had a hard enough time excepting it, but he merely excused himself to stay out of this matter. As far as he was concerned, Chuck Bass was not his family to care for.

"Eric, Serena, You should sit down."

"No! Don't you remember what he did?" Eric tried to reason with his mother.

"Whatever it is, I assure you, I have no recollection of it what so ever," Chuck snickered. He was used to reactions similar to Eric's. Where kindness was foreign to him, distrust and disdain was common.

"What are you talking about Chuck?" Serena reasoned as the current calmer sibling. Mostly due to the fact she has no concern for Jenny, and understands Chuck's point of view since they've become siblings. But something was missing, she could sense it.

"Eric, listen." Lilly spoke up to keep Eric from walking off. "Due to a rather, tragic, incident. Chuck's not himself" She was trying her best to say it, but despite the preparations, it was difficult.

"I lost my memory"

"Bull Shit!" Eric was quick to respond. "You know exactly who you are, what you've done, and this is just his way of getting out of trouble" Eric stated each fact before storming off.

Serena remained silent. She knew Chuck, she knew what he is, but this isn't something he would do. Not intentionally.

"It's all rather pedantic," disregarding how much he's hurting, having to re-experience pains he shouldn't have, and ultimately having lost a time of his life, but he wouldn't be weak in front of Serena, nor her brother. Because to him, that's all Eric's ever been... Serena's younger brother. His opinion does not matter in any form.

"Are you sure?" Serena asked no one in particular, but turned to her mother in hopes of a less sarcastic response.

"The doctors have been on the phone with me for hours, and I've been trying to find someone that could... help us." Lilly explained, but knew Serena was asking more regarding the truth of the matter, rather than the solution. She also continued to inform Serena of where his memory seemed to have stopped, and warned her that to him, he's lost more than his memory.

"Is there anything I could do?" She asked, knowing she was brought back for a reason, and despite everything Chuck still became her brother. He was there for her when she needed him, even if it's not the same brother she's grown accustomed to.

"Talk to him" Lilly whispered the words as she passed her to go find Eric. "Oh and Serena," she stopped to add before she left, "I know it may be difficult, but we'd rather keep this in the family for now." Lilly made sure to emphasize that point. Bringing back too many people into his life could be too hurtful. She understood that much, and hoped Serena would too.

Chuck was in his mind as the negotiating transpired, but now he smirked knowingly to Serena. He knew her; she was his friend at a time. No one else had been really close, but Serena was a friend. Regardless of this friendship forming due to his relations with Nate, and Blair... His heart hurt at the idea of the brunette and his best friend.

"Where are Nate and Blair?" He asked before Serena had the chance to say anything. Not that she had a single clue of where to start, but that seemed like a better topic than any. But how to explain everything that's happened to a boy who had lost his father all over again.

"They're in Paris. We were all there actually" Serena forced a smile, hoping that just casual talk would suffice for now. She couldn't begin to imagine telling Chuck of everything, or if that was even her place. Her mother told her not to tell anyone, but when Blair finds out, will she even want to help him?

* * *

**Cannes**

"I have to say..." Blair spoke between kisses, having just rejuvenated from their earlier activities for a repeat.

"Not yet," Nate instructed, kissing her again. She giggled at his behaviour, and he allowed her to continue.

"Truly, this has been-"

"Comfortable." He finished the thought for her. It was fun, no strings, no worries, just them in a bed, enjoying an activity as friends.

"I don't want it to end," she admitted, kissing Nate again.

"Maybe it doesn't have to," he took a moment to contemplate their options; "we could always keep doing this back home."

"That won't be kept a secret for long though," she furrowed her brows at the idea, not even sure if he was serious even suggesting it.

"You and Chuck managed to..." Nate stopped at the evident hurt expression on Blair's face. "I'm so sorry Blair." He regretted it even more when she shifted away from him.

"Its fine," she lied, now with a Bass on her mind. She hated thinking of him; she hated how her body called for him and deemed everyone else's, including Nate's, unworthy. She hated him, but it still hurt, and she was in no mood to stay in bed with anyone else. "I'm going to start getting ready for dinner," she excused herself to the toilet and locked the door. Deterring Nate from any possible invitation to pick up where they just left off.

* * *

**New York**

"Georgina's a bitch" Chuck and Serena laughed.

It's been a couple of days now, and the two manages to talk about few topics, for an hour a day or so whenever Serena came to visit him in his suite at the Palace, having refused to live in the Empire, and the Humphrey household was out of the question. Serena was understanding enough to stay in the suite next to him, and talk to him whenever he wanted, which wasn't often, that she was thankful for.

He had been tempted to read Gossip Girl, but from earlier experience he knew that just reading about his life wouldn't matter. It made no sense to him. He preferred, and also enjoyed spending time with Serena. She talked to him casually, without feeling the need to explain as Lilly would. He came to terms with a lot, realizing that what has happened, happened. But despite the comfort of it all, he knew Serena was holding back, but he wouldn't press on. He didn't want to know everything just yet, he rather Nate would just spill it all as they got high, and it'll all be out in the open, and they could just pick it up from there.

"Oh, there was also this one time, with Carter," Serena continued telling stories of people they took down. In other words, people Blair and Chuck took down, but she had something to do with it. She wouldn't even bother with the whole story, just funny bits in hopes he would remember. He didn't. He would laugh, and usually encourage her to go on as she told him the stories. They were all biased, and rather one sided, but Chuck didn't seem to mind. He wanted to know, but similarly, hasn't asked any questions.

"Carter's an ass." Chuck admitted offhandedly at the end of the tale that felt more like fiction, but he still believed it possible. If he and Blair joined forces, than having taken them down was always a believable aspect. "Did you know that he'd cheated Nate out of thousands?" He shared a few of his own stories, but each time he would regret it, as he received the same acknowledgment.

"I did," Serena responded. He looked hurt each time, realizing that she knew more of his life than he could control. And even though she sometimes wanted to lie, and pretend like it was new to her, she was told by his doctor that it was best to not lie in any way to him.

"Charles, are you ready?" Speaking of which, his doctor arrived on time as he did every day. Entering his suite with a knock on the door that he always preferred ajar. He had all the privacy he needed on the empty floor, other than Serena, who only spent a few hours there a day anyways. Similarly he hated having to answer the door every time someone knocked.

"Yes" He knew he had to get better, because he didn't like how his life seemed like fiction to him, when he's worked so hard to be the bad-ass play boy he was. Speaking of which, when was the last time he had sex? That idea made him smirk at whom he could possibly bed this evening. He was instructed to take things in stride, but what's keeping him from picking up a few chicks from the bar.

"I'll see you later Chuck," Serena left the suite, and headed out to have coffee with Eric. Her mother had asked her to help with that front as well, and it hasn't improved. Eric hated Chuck, whether or not he even remembered what he did.

"Alright Charles, what's the last thing you remember?"

"Nothing's changed" he wavered it off. He didn't trust this man, but he tried his best not to kick him out. Lilly had searched for the best, and at finding him, she insisted on it.

"Charles,"

"Chuck" he corrected, as he did a thousand times before.

"Charles, you have to want to remember."

"I do want to remember!" he yelled, but took a moment to relax.

"What do you think is keeping you from remembering?"

"The brain damage," Chuck knew of his condition. He hit his head after having collapsed from being shot. He didn't really remember being shot, just waking up with a head ache that beat any hang over he's ever had, and a pain at his side. Both those pains have disappeared, but his memory hasn't returned.

"I've checked the results of your CAT scans, and no brain damage is shown," the doctor pulled out the prints to prove his word.

"So you think I'm lying?" Chuck brushed it off casually, realizing himself as mischievous enough to actually do so. But if he was fine, than everyone else was lying to him, telling him its two years in the future, and decidedly gave him a hotel to run. Was this his father's idea of making him more responsible?

"Not exactly, however you may just not want to remember" the doctor tried to reason again.

"With all due respect Dr. Hughes, get out" Chuck got up and went to his room. He'd tolerated the man yesterday, but he wouldn't now. So he locked himself in his room and planned to disregard everything for now, and call up a hooker.

* * *

**Cannes**

One day left and the two made the most of it. Starting off with a day at the beach only to push the limits of their desired activities in public. Blair achieved a tan, which was quite difficult at how many hours the two spent indoors, better yet, in bed; which is where they ended up together, as every other night.

"It's almost over," Blair repeated the idea they have been avoiding ever since the other day.

"Like I said, we could always do this," Nate pointed between them, laying in bed together, "back home."

"What if we get caught?"

"We lie," Nate laughed.

"I know I would," she laughed.

"Am I that shameful to be caught having a 'dangerous liaisons' with?"

"Do you even know what that is?"

"Yes, you made me watch it a while back," he smiled at the memory of the many things they have done together. He even sat through a few French movies on this trip. It was exactly what they both needed, a vacation, but who said it had to end?

"I don't think that's a good idea Nate. This was-" In this case, Blair.

"Incredible" he leaned over to kiss her, deciding to help her release the tension of having to have this talk. "But," still knowing that it wasn't the time to press for another round either, he allowed her to continue.

"But, with everything..." she didn't even want to say the words, dreading that it would ruin there last night.

"It's a bad idea," he sighed regretfully pulling back to just wrap and arm around her, and pull her to his side. "You're still one of my best friends,"

"I know."

"I'll always have your back."

"I know," she nodded against his bare chest, closing her eyes, allowing the drumming of his heart to lull her to sleep. "You're such a good guy Nate Archibald."

"And you're an amazing woman Blair Waldorf." She smiled against his skin, enjoying how he recognized her as a woman, and an amazing one at that. This was a perfect friendship, beautiful in more ways than the picture they made together.


	3. Chapter 3

**New York**

Three days of searching, seven therapeutically advanced doctors later, and Chuck ends up with the only possible thirty-something-year-old model-like professional to help him. It's obvious that her assets were the first things that caught his attention at entering the office with Lilly, but her charm won him over just as easily. She had a comforting vibe about her that truly made him feel safe in her company, and Lilly has done her research well. She seemed adamant to finding the perfect therapist, and at this point she had.

He was quiet during most of the introductions, listening to all the Doctor's answers, and as always impressed with the detail Lilly's questions demanded. He had a chance to inform Lilly of his approval before they moved on to his problem. He glanced between Lilly and Dr. Kan as they discussed matters, and soon enough all legal issues were taken care of, and added privacy was enforced, along with the usual confidentiality waver.

Everything was set, and Lilly was happily leaving Chuck with the older woman, as long as he promised to remain on his best behavior. He had, truly he wasn't interested, and he just enjoyed speaking to someone worth staring at. But since the therapist herself insisted he should be relaxed during the course of their sessions, who was he to defy the doctor's orders.

"Did you want to send me off to get a CAT scan then?" He asked rather entertained by this situation. She was completely professional, and he never was. However, at this point, he really just wanted to get back to his normal life. It's been too long, and everyone was treating him like a mentally ill, or at times a, terminal patient. It was driving him insane. He just hoped it was worth getting back to.

"No, not yet. I'd like to gather as much from you," she admitted before opening up a note pad and pulling out a pen. "So what's the last thing you remember, the most vivid memory from before you woke up in Prague?"

At recalling, the memory was far too pleasant to truly share, but the smirk was evident enough. He knew he wouldn't get away with saying anything nonchalant, and stuck with something that was a truth, in a ways. "A friend's birthday."

**

* * *

**

**New York: JFK**

"Home sweet concrete island," Nate mocked, already missing the beach, the crisp air, and Blair in his bed.

"You make it sound so inviting," Blair replied with a smile. She was happy to be home, she loved New York. A holiday was one thing, but she would be attending Columbia in the fall, and she still had time to purchase a few exclusive items of couture. So New York was not a bad place to be, as long as she avoided anyone who upset her.

"Guess I'll see you at next week's dinner then?"

"Yes, you must join us." Nate practically groaned as his mother intruded again. They had spent the flight sitting next to each other, with his mother in the seat in front. That kept them from doing anything, and Blair detested the idea of going into the toilet together, and convinced him that they wouldn't get away with it anyways. So to say Nate's mother aggravated him at this time would be an understatement.

"I wouldn't miss it," she leaned up on her toes to give Nate a cheek to cheek kiss, and his mother the same. One good thing about having travelled with his mother; gossip girl can't very well link a scandal where Anne Archibald is involved.

Nate's phone rang just as Anne decided to tell Blair all about the decorations. He looked down to check the caller identifier, and was surprised by the name. He at least knew better than to speak with him in front of Blair, excusing himself and taking a few steps away from the chatting women to answer the call. For once he was glad his mother was occupying Blair's time and attention.

"Chuck?"

"Nate, I got a Gossip Girl text that you and Blair are back in town." His voice sounded rather cheerful for a guy that's been through what he has. Especially after disappearing off the face of the planet, Nate honestly got worried.

"What?" He really was not expecting that, "Dude, where have you been?"

"Long story, but come by. Both of you." He was entirely casual instructing his friend to do such a thing, and Nate was convinced that Chuck was either drunk, or similarly intoxicated by other means.

"I don't think Blair would want to see you," Nate added cautiously, making sure Blair can't hear him. He made a quick glance and saw her busy with her own call.

"Then tell her Serena wants her. I'm at my suite... at The Palace" Chuck hung up leaving Nate in a rather precarious position. On the one hand, Blair would definitely never want to see Chuck, but Chuck could very well do something to fix this. All of it. Blair's obviously been hurt, but is hurting without him too.

"Hey," he made his way back to the two women, noting that Blair just got off her own phone. "I'm heading over to The Palace," he said words that were disconnected from the questioning tone he gave Blair at the troubled look she expressed.

"Serena just called... she said it was important." She exchanged a knowing glance with Nate and both were quick to excuse themselves from spending any more time with Anne. Leaving the older women, with half a dozen men, to deal with the luggage.

**

* * *

**

**New York: The Palace**

The two entered The Palace, having barely spoken two words to each other the entire way over. Each entranced by their own thoughts, but once finding Serena, waiting for them in the lobby, neither could help asking. "What happened?"

"I think you should both sit down," she motioned towards the two seats across from her. She knew her mother asked her to keep this in the family, but with Chuck insisting to see his friends, whom to Serena are family, she thought best to tell them herself, before the shock of seeing Chuck at a rather regressed stage.

No one spoke, and Blair grew agitated waiting, watching Serena think over her choice of words, and when she finally spoke, it still didn't answer any questions, which just irritated Blair more.

"There really is no easy way to say this..."

"Just spit it out Serena!" Blair practically yelled. She couldn't take the anticipation, the silence was frustrating enough, and even she recognized the stress Serena displayed, which was enough to worry her. She barely even noticed Nate holding her back from strangling the blonde to tell her what was going on.

"Chuck was in an accident"

Blair sat still as the words hit her, her head racing to the worst possibilities, and her heart grew anxious waiting for more. Her hands fisted her dress for fear of words that could destroy her, and all in the span of a few seconds.

"I just spoke to him," Nate added a moment after Serena said her part, but it was too late; as Blair was already at a state of shock of possibly losing Chuck.

"He's alright, mostly…" Serena nodded to Nate, hoping that the brunette would not overreact, or at least speak rather than remain silent. She still couldn't continue, finding it hard to really speak of Chuck's situation.

"Serena," Nate was pleading with the blonde, as Blair was about to explode by his side.

"He's," it wasn't that she enjoyed upsetting her friend. In fact, she feared telling them due to the sole purpose that it could sadden them, but they had to know, "...lost his memory."

Blair sat there studying her friend. Was she pulling her leg? This isn't possible, but she was going to test it. "How?"

"He got shot." Lilly interrupted the conversation, spotting the three on her way to visit Chuck.

"Chuck got shot?" The worry was evident, so was the hurt as both Blair and Nate watched the older blonde in surprise.

"I'm afraid so, but he's made a full recovery; other than the amnesia." Blair was not about to doubt the older woman's words. She wouldn't lie about this. No one would, but she still couldn't acknowledge it. "I'm going to see him now, but feel free to visit afterwards" Lilly smiled sympathetically towards the two whom reciprocated the gesture before she left.

They remained in silence, all thinking up of questions along with the idea. Chuck lost his memory, he doesn't remember some events, but he remembered Nate. What else did he remember, and did it make a difference.

"He wants to see you," Serena spoke to both of them, but they all knew Blair was the one mostly addressed. They all now know how he felt, how he's always felt about her. Even if he doesn't realize or recall those feelings himself.

Nate nodded and turned to watch Blair's response.

"I can't see him" she admitted. "Does he even remember what he did?" Her eyes welled up in tears at the memory, but mostly at the idea that she could have lost Chuck when he got shot. He is, and always will be, a part of her. Losing him would be like losing herself, but...

"He's hurting Blair, he woke up in a hospital in Prague, only to hear his dad is dead, and everything's changed... He's the Chuck we knew from high school, the way he talks, dresses. He tries to act tough, but it's killing him inside, he's hurting Blair"

The two took in the information, recognizing what could be going through Chuck's mind. What would it be like if it was them? To wake in a changed world, having no recollection of past events. This brought up the question everyone needed to know.

"What does he remember?" Nate asked, just as Blair struggled with the thought.

"He doesn't like talking about it; in fact I've only really filled him in on me. I didn't want to step over any lines." She watched Blair, but the brunette didn't show any appreciation at the admittance.

"So you don't know?" Nate continued, seemingly interrogating her.

"Sophomore year mostly. He doesn't remember our parents wedding, or when Georgina came back," she admitted. They all thought through the time line, thinking back to those years before everything got so screwed up, when the biggest concern was who dated who.

"He really wants to see you," Serena insisted again, and Blair stood up in response to Serena's unwanted persistence.

"I can't Serena; you don't understand how much it hurts to see him. Even if he doesn't remember what he did, I do." She left, and Nate didn't bother explaining himself as he ran after her.

The two were outside now, Blair having no idea what to do, but as Nate approached her she threw her arms around him and cried. A lot was just dumped on, and having almost lost Chuck was enough a reason to cry, without the other ideas that bombarded her head.

"I know," he tried to calm her, keeping her hidden around a corner of the building, away from prying eyes of the morning. "It's unfair. He broke your heart and gets to forget the damage he's done, the lies, everything he's made you go through," he spoke the ideas that crossed her mind. She hated to admit that they were true, that she felt he won by means of escape, not having to deal with the guilt, or the pain. "And it will be hard to see him,"

She was now looking up at Nate, her eyes bloodshot, but she didn't care. She was just hoping he would make sense of what she was losing grasp of. "They say it's a broken heart, but everything hurts; and no matter what you do, it won't go away." Nate was speaking for himself just as much as for her own sake, describing how he felt with Serena, knowing the exact affect Chuck had on the girl in his arms, it was all too much, but they were suffering together.

"But you are Blair Waldorf," he spoke her name with his proudest voice, "nothing breaks you down. And you don't even have to love him anymore. But that doesn't mean you don't care, or you wouldn't have cried." She looked away, shamed by having cried, but his sincerity was evident in every word, just as they were glistening from his eyes. "You owe it to those feelings to speak to him." Nate smiled at her hoping his only ever attempt at a pep talk was working.

"When did you get so smart?" she laughed meekly, wiping away tears just as he finished. He was right, mostly, and he opened his heart to her saying those words, she couldn't just shut it down.

"It's a lapse from hanging around with you," he reached to caress her face, wiping away some of the tears, and smiling once she turned to face him again; "and I bet it takes a pretty strong woman to influence me."

"Blair," they both turned to Serena turning the corner. "I'm sorry; I know what you're going through, but…"

"...But Chuck needs us." She smiled at Nate, "all of us." No matter what's happened, she cared enough for Chuck to put aside everything, because when it comes down to it, he would do the same. Just as Nate and Serena have done time and again, as she had and so have he, they stuck together, they were family.

* * *

The two stood in the hall in front of Chuck's door. Blair was over thinking the idea of seeing him, having only allowed herself a few moments to calm down before meeting Lilly back the lobby and heading upstairs with Nate. He kept staring at her worriedly, but she didn't show any hesitation. He still managed to sense it though.

"You don't have to," he assured her, taking her shivering hand that she didn't realize was shaking, let alone fisted. He linked his fingers through hers and gave her a reassuring squeeze, "we can come back tomorrow," but she shook her head. A moment later Nate lift his free hand to knock on the door, while watching her for any indication to just leave.

It swung open.

"I suppose lingering in the halls is another trend I must have missed out on," Chuck smiled to the two. Nate was the first to react, as he gave Chuck a hug as a few formalities were exchanged. Next Chuck turned to Blair, and with a smirk he leaned over and gave her a sly kiss on the cheek. She stood still uncertain of how to react. She can't blow up in his face about an occurrence that he didn't even know about.

"I guess some things never change," his voice sounded rather sad, both knowing Chuck well enough to recognize it. "Would the couple want a drink?"

The two looked over to each other, and without a word walked in, hoping to postpone fthe conversation.

"How do you feel?" Nate asked as Blair struggled with the situation. They were at the bar, taking their seats and waiting for Chuck to pour them all drinks. To Nate and Blair it felt strange just being back in the suite again, barely recalling there last time there. Despite all the memories the place held, it was no longer a part of their present, but a past forgotten by Chuck.

"Bored, did you know that most of our class actually ended up going to university. I swear half couldn't even spell their own names." He looked over to Blair and smiled, and she had to force a smile of her own. He looked the same, no younger from when she last saw him, but everything else about him gave off Chuck's old vibe. From his attire, to the innocence, or at least as innocent as Chuck's ever been. The whole scene was proverbial, she could play the role of this never changing bliss of friendship, but she couldn't decide on whether to keep up the charade or end it.

"Tell me about it," Nate grabbed the shot and downed it. Chuck smiled and poured him another, enjoying the familiarity.

The blond missed his friend, and he wanted to help him, but for now he didn't want to push it. They talked about good old times, those which preceded Chuck's memory loss, and laughed, keeping off topics that could be an issue to tackle. That was until Chuck grabbed a bottle of champagne to celebrate the supposed couple's safe return from Paris.

"So how have you two been?" Chuck asked, and watched Blair for a reaction as he had been during most of the conversations.

Blair stayed as silent as she had been the entire time. It really felt like nothing's changed, when Nate would drag her along to visit Chuck, and they would chat and smoke and play video games. She would input a snide comment here and there, but for now she remained silent, still conflicted.

"Care to fill me in on what I've missed from the lives of our resident lovers," although Chuck said it with a smirk, the two knew better. They could tell by the jealous glint in his eye, and the tighter hold he had on the bottle. He didn't like them together anymore than he's ever had, and having known the reasons both Nate and Blair exchanged a worried glance.

They knew they had to break it to him, the last shred of hope that things didn't change as much, but similarly Blair couldn't pretend. She couldn't just imagine nothing's happened, that she wasn't hurting just thinking of him, the Chuck that she's been through everything with.

"I'll need the toilet if this'll keep going," Nate admitted and excused himself, not having gone since the airport, but also sensing the tension in the room. He knew it was time to give Blair the chance to talk with Chuck privately.

"What do you remember?" Blair asked, entirely to the point. Chuck smirked, and she recoiled at how childish it was. She could tell that she wasn't talking to the Chuck that had done everything that ended them; she was talking to the Chuck that started it all, and that was made even clearer by his next words.

"The sound of you purring in my ear, I suppose Nate hasn't found out about the limo then?" he smiled at the brunette, leaning over the bar to whisper his next words. "Tell me, did we ever do it again after your birthday?"

"I'm not with Nate" she responded strongly. She wouldn't be just to allow his fantasy to continue, where everything hasn't changed, and she wasn't pleased that Nate hadn't corrected it instantly himself. But even she couldn't admit to him that they were ever together. That he broke her heart, sold her for a hotel, and betrayed him after she'd forgiven him for the worst possible deed. For now, ending one denied aspect would do.

The shock dissolved from his expression and his eyes locked with hers. He struggle to tell if she was lying, he felt like she'd advanced, and in a ways she has. She wasn't the same sixteen year old that preformed for him, or ended up in the limo with him that night. She's different, but still the same. Still desirable, but he wouldn't say it.

**

* * *

**

**Earlier, New York: Dr. Kan's office**

"We've been at this for days" Chuck stated as the doctor showed him various images, and news articles that mentioned him over the years, trying to see what he remembered, or hoping to spark back his memory. Nothing's changed.

"Just a few more tests, this one?"

"Two girls doing it," he responded blatantly at the ink diagram.

The doctor sighed, just as disappointed with the progress. She put aside the graphs and turned to Chuck with her pen and note pad in hand. "What do you feel?"

"Annoyed"

"Your friends are coming back today" he'd mentioned it a few days prior.

"Yeah,"

"Are you happy about that?" she hoped to get more out of him

"I suppose." But he wasn't complying

Another reason they haven't made any progress; Chuck was very frank. Not really expressive either and she knew he held more in his heart than he was willing to share, which was daunting.

"I'd like to try something new." she put aside the notes and Chuck watched her pull out a book with an evident title, of which he was quick to catch on.

"Hypnotism?" The idea seemed ridiculous.

"It would only be temporary, and it may allow me to reach into your subconscious, where your memory seems to be stored." She explained and when he didn't respond she continued, "we'll record the conversation on this tape recorder to review together if need be"

He shrugged, not that he believed that hypnosis was possible, he still allowed her to continue with the process. He listened and obeyed and within moments was asleep on the couch.

A few minutes passed, and she continued instructing him while circling the couch. He would nod or sigh in confirmation, but mostly stayed quiet.

"And when I ring this bell," she pulled out the small trinket, allowing it to chime a couple of times, "you will wake up." He responded with a sigh. She took her seat and pulled out her note pad.

"How are you Chuck?"

He mumbled at first, but she managed to make out a "bad"

"What do you feel?"

"Sad"

"Why?"

"I'm sad" he repeated clearly

"Why?" she insisted

"I'm alone"

* * *

**Now, The Palace: Chuck's suite**

"You're kidding" he finally responded.

"We're not" Nate re-entered, and by the look of things he realized one bomb had been dropped.

"When?"

"Around the time I found out you slept with her" Nate did the talking, and Blair appreciated his bold honesty.

"So you know, and then what?" Chuck sat there listening as if being told a story. A lot was hard to believe for him; most he didn't want to believe. He wanted to run, just leave, and pretend everything is the same, but then he glanced over at Blair. He'd been waiting for her to come back for a reason. If anyone would tell him something straight, it would be her. Too bad it really wasn't the truth he wanted to hear or have to handle.

"...and then you broke my heart." Blair reasoned that to be the only good answer. She couldn't just state her life with Chuck as factual data. She wouldn't summarize it, but she couldn't get into details about it either.

In that instance everyone just stayed quiet. Nate feeling for Blair, but now at the expression Chuck his heart went to him too. Chuck had to overcome a lot to be with Blair, he's never worked for anything as much as earning her. And to know that he'd lost her in the end, before he even tried.

* * *

**Earlier, New York: Dr. Kan's office**

"Do you feel alone because your father isn't here anymore?" she asked, hoping for some progress now that he was opening up.

"My friends are coming back today" he smiled devilishly, ignoring the question all together. Even in his sleep Chuck held a wall against speaking of his father. "Nate and Blair" the names were mumbled, but she could make them out, knowing the details from earlier sessions.

"Will you be less lonely with them?"

"They've always been together," he frowned, but that turned into a smile again. "But they never had sex" he laughed the words, and began to unzip his pants. "Even I had sex with Blair"

"What about your father, Bart?" she wanted to stay inline as Chuck drifted onto other thoughts.

"I don't want to fuck Bart" he spat. "I only want Blair," he smiled, and jumped at the sound of a bell.

Chuck looked down at his hand in his pants and quickly retracted it. "What the hell?" he looked over to her and she seemed relieved that he snapped out of it. "What just happened?"

She grabbed the recording of their conversation and gave him a copy, "You can listen to this now or later"

Chuck looked down at his hand holding on to the tape recorder and looked up at her. She gave him a forced smile, and he pressed rewind to listen to the tape while she was still there. Embarrassment was hitting him, but he wouldn't show it. In fact he stopped it just as the bell rang and his angered voice rose. He now seriously hated hypnosis, and knew it could have been much worse.

* * *

**Now, The Palace: Chuck's suite**

Blair left. No one stopped her, and honestly Chuck needed a moment. Nate waited, knowing he'd be bombarded with questions. He knew his limit though, and wouldn't say too much. But, for what it's worth, he knew his answer for one question would be the same no matter how Chuck asked it. They were never happier.

* * *

**New York: Brooklyn, cafe**

Earlier that summer Dan was prepared to jet off after Serena Van Der Woodsen. Today he's meeting her to talk to her about what transpired, hoping for the best, despite not knowing what that is. Vanessa returned just as he looked up the times, and was on his way to buy a ticket. She entered and stood there upset, hurt, and most of all crying.

They spent the summer talking, with him reassuring her that he loved her. That he wanted to be with her. Yet he never denied the same, if not stronger, feelings towards Serena. Now he'll know though. If Serena and him are just friends, he could accept that. But if they could be more, he was willing to jump back in with both feet, just as he started off.

"Hey," she smiled up at the boy. He'd already ordered a coffee that arrived just as she did. "I'm sorry I haven't been able to see you since I've been back"

"My dad told me, it's alright" he smiled and drank his own drink. "How was your trip?"

"Educational," Serena relaxed at how casual they got to talk. The past few days have been tense, with Chuck, and her mom stressing over him. Visiting him after every session, making sure he's still hanging around despite his usual habit of running. She wasn't even going to think about Blair, she would just forget for now. "Paris is so beautiful in the summer, you should go"

"I almost did" he admitted with a smile. Dan had to gather some courage, taking in a deep breath before leaning over the table. "I almost came after you this summer; I had to know where we stood."

When he didn't continue Serena gave him a questioning look. "But?"

"Where do we stand Serena?" he was serious, and that frightened as well as annoyed her. She wanted to relax with coffee, not feel desperate for a Cosmo.

"I don't know Dan, there's too much..." she hoped she didn't have to finish that sentence, seeing as she didn't know where to start. Parents married, shared sibling, history of problems, and most of all, he was still with Vanessa. At least she thought he was.

"I know. I just needed to hear it." Dan leaned back into his seat and drank his coffee in silence. "Vanessa came back" he added later, only to make small talk, not mentioning she was the reason he didn't just get on that plane.

"How are you two?"

"Great" didn't sound like it though. "Are you ready for Brown?"

"This time; yes." The conversation once again picked up a refreshing tone, and Serena couldn't be happier ending the previously discussed subject. "I feel like I need a change from the city life for a bit and an escape from all the drama. She'd miss it, but knew just as well that change was good right about now, she'd accept it with open arms. She still had another choice though.

"I know what you mean, but you'll be missed" he smiled and was just as happy changing topics. In fact he liked to talk to Serena regardless; it could be about anything, as long as she smiled. That didn't help his situation, or confused heart either way.

* * *

**New York: Blair Waldorf's apartment**

Blair couldn't go straight home. She walked around central park for hours until it started to get dark. When the jet lag finally hit she knew she couldn't stay out another moment. Grabbing the first cab, she headed home to sleep.

She was expecting her luggage to be delivered, courtesy of Mrs. Archibald, and everything as arranged as it always has been when Dorota was in charge. Sadly, Dorota was off for a few more days, and her luggage was still left in the foyer. She ignored it and went upstairs, in no mood to have staff in and out of her room when her internal body clock signalled it was much past bed time.

She entered her room and saw him. Dejected, heartbroken, remorseful.

She remembered a time she saw him like this, after his father's funeral; but today his feelings have surpassed that level, showing a new side that even Blair's deepest feelings of hate towards him couldn't keep her from rushing to where he stood and wrapping her arms around him.

She helped lower him so that they sat on the edge of her bed, and she cradled him in her arms, hoping to make him feel better. Her heart went to him, knowing how hard this all was for him.

"I'm sorry" he grabbed hold of her dress, his voice was chocked, he was a child again. She could tell, and everything he'd bottled from the minute he awoke in the hospital in Prague, to this moment was breaking through.

She nodded, and a few tears of her own slipped. His dad died all over again, he lost years of his life, and he found out he lost her too. It was too much to bear, but she would hold him for as long as he needed, tonight. She would allow him that much.


	4. Chapter 4

**Blair Waldorf's apartment**

Blair stirred in her sleep. Her eyes fluttered open in a dark room, expecting light. The morning was hours away, but her body told her otherwise. She knew that the jet lag would take time to adjust to, but her concern laid elsewhere, with a missing piece from her bed, a certain person.

Chuck was gone.

She searched her room, making a quick glance to the bathroom door. Open, to an unlit bathroom. He left, no note, nothing. She reached for her phone and checked for messages.

Nothing important. A few greeting her return, an apology from Serena, and a casual check up from Nate. Not a word from Chuck though.

She didn't know how she felt about this situation anymore. Was she happy she didn't have to deal with him in her bed in the morning? She didn't exactly want him there, but expected it. She couldn't help the disappointment, but maybe she should be thankful. She couldn't look at him without thinking of everything that's happened.

With that thought she forced herself out of bed to change into her nightwear. She allowed her mind to wander as she prepared for a few extra hours in bed.

What if it was her who couldn't remember? Would Chuck take advantage of that? Probably. He would avoid reminding her of a few scenarios, which now reflect her decisions daily. Reminding her of what Chuck was capable of, even if he didn't remember.

What if the shot had killed him?

She had no doubt that he's the one person she couldn't imagine her life without. This holiday was difficult, but a world without Chuck... she couldn't bear it. If anything happened, if she'd lost him, then that would be the end of her world. She didn't even know if she loved him anymore, she couldn't love him after all that's happened; but she couldn't imagine him not being there. He has to be there.

* * *

**The Humphrey Loft**

"Anyone home?" Nate arrived at the Humphrey loft surprisingly on time. A couple of weeks with Blair does that to a guy.

"Hey man. Just in time for waffles," Dan greeted his guest, filling up the waffle iron with the last of the batter.

"Great," Nate took a seat on the bar, "'cause I'm starving." He hasn't adjusted to the time yet, and has been awake for a few hours now. He happily accepted Dan's offer for breakfast since his mom was still in Paris, and he forgot to tell housekeeping to prepare anything for him to eat. He contemplated on checking up on Chuck; but since his friend left to visit Blair yesterday, he figured the two would be together.

The thought actually made him feel a little ill, but he pushed it aside. Blair and him were just a summer fling; not even that. They just had a few benefits while spending time together as best friends should. A few extraordinary benefits, where he really experienced the best of Blair as she-

"Nate?" Dan waved his hand in front of his friend to get his attention.

"Yeah, What? Sorry..." Nate shook his head, erasing the images that occupied his mind, in spite of how hot they were.

"Drifting off there, buddy?"

"Yeah, sorry, you were saying?" He grabbed for a fork to dig into the waffles Dan had placed in front of him.

"How was Paris?" Dan asked again.

"Good, great actually," he stuffed him mouth so to not say anymore.

"Did you and Serena manage to fix things?" Dan was jealous, he couldn't help it. He wanted to go to Paris, but he stayed. He was happy with Vanessa now; at least he figured he was. He wasn't even sure anymore, but Serena made her decision, despite how ambiguous it was.

"Not really, she avoided me most of the trip. Eric came with so..." Nate took another bite from his waffle. He didn't really feel like talking about Serena right about now. "How are you and Vanessa?"

"Great. She's with her mom this week, before she heads off to the dorms." Dan watched his friend, itching to press on about Serena, but kept it under tabs. Instead he knew he should ask him regarding a certain boy he wasn't particularly a fan off. "How's Chuck?"

"You know?" Nate studied him, of course Dan would know. If not from Serena then from Rufus or Lilly or whoever keeps him updated all the way here in Brooklyn. "I don't know, we talked yesterday, but... after a while it started to feel like a consistent déjà vu sequence".

"Are you okay?" Dan actually grew concerned the second Nate's expression turned worried. Nate never worried, but the evident expression he held would actually terrify people who knew him as the happy go lucky baked boy.

"Yeah. I'm just worried about him, and Blair." Nate quieted down as his mind drifted to the brunette, thinking of how difficult this must be for her.

"How's she taking it?" Dan was more sympathetic when it came to the brunette. He actually couldn't begin to imagine the difficulty that came with dealing with this guy, knowing he was a complete douche the last time he saw them together.

"I don't know," Nate didn't really know where to begin, so he didn't even bother starting. "I should probably go check up on her." He announced as he finished the last of his waffles.

"And here I thought I could drag you to watch a foreign film," Dan joked, in hopes of cheering up his friend before he left.

"Rain check, or better yet, let's just forget you ever mentioned the idea," Nate laughed with Dan and got out of his seat. "Thanks for breakfast"

"Take care of yourself," Dan waved him bye as he walked out the door and down the hall.

* * *

**Dr. Kan's Office**

"How are you today?"

"How do I look?" Chuck challenged as he grabbed for a flask. He'd been drinking, he stunk of alcohol, but Lilly still made him go to his stupid therapy session.

"I don't recommend you drink anything inebriating." She wasn't prepared to deal with a drunk Chuck, but would work around it, if need be.

"I just found out I ruined a relationship, that I can't even remember, with the only girl I ever loved," he unscrewed the top of his flask, "so excuse me if I feel like having a drink". He took a long swig from the container, emptying it out before throwing it behind him.

It was difficult, seeing her there, laying next to him, peacefully; with her words ringing in his ears. He broke her heart. He couldn't take it, he had to get out of there, leave her. He couldn't be the reason to bring any pain to a perfect creature like herself, so he left. Maybe he should have just been left for dead by that shot.

"Chuck, if you don't want to be here..." The doctor brought him back from his cynical thoughts.

"No, let's talk," he mocked her. "Let's talk about how I fucked up everything... oh wait, I don't know how I did that either!" He got up and went to her alcohol cabinet. He was usually more obedient, sitting there; well aware of his boundaries, but today he didn't care. The only thing he cared about, he destroyed, so why bother denying himself as the evil being he is. "You know," he started as he poured himself a drink, "I slept with her more than the two times I remember. I slept with her throughout a year's relationship. Of which I can't remember a single day from." He drank.

"You can imagine how much sex that was. I mean forget the nights alone, I bet you that we spent days in bed fucking. Because I'm that good, and she's that sensational."

Dr. Kan didn't bother stopping him, she allowed him the release. In fact she hoped this would just help him open up more so she could dive into the trauma keeping him from his memories.

"If I could pick one girl in the world to fuck forever, it would be her. She's not even with my best friend anymore, but here I am." He was walking around the office, tripping every now and then, but maintained his stance as he roamed the space, tracing the furniture with his free hand, barely staying on his feet.

"I couldn't even stay in bed with her this morning," he plopped back down on the couch, spilling some of his drink on his clothes, but he didn't care.

Dr. Kan waited, but when he said nothing she took the chance to ask. "Did you feel lonely with her?"

He watched her, trying to determine where she intended to go with this, but he wasn't exactly capable of reading her today, and answered; "I felt like I should be alone." He avoided her eyes as he spoke, "I deserved to be alone," studying the last bit of alcohol in his glass before finishing it.

He didn't want to talk anymore. He didn't even care about their allocated time together, he would leave. He would go out, find himself a quick fuck, because he did not wallow in regret. Especially over something he didn't even remember doing. The Chuck Bass that he was, or will become, or whatever it is, doesn't exist right now. He did, and he would forget this and get laid, because waking up next to Blair fucking Waldorf was a turn-on he hadn't yet dealt with. And thinking about the sex he had with her didn't help. He needed relief, fast.

* * *

**Blair Waldorf's apartment**

"Nate?" Blair descended the stairs at the sound of the elevators' chime. With the staff busy putting her things away in her room; she knew she would have to greet her guest herself.

"Hey, wanna grab lunch?" He gave her his best smile.

"It's barely noon," she smiled at his attempts, giving him a hug hello. She took a moment to figure out what he was up to, and by the text he sent her before, she knew he was concerned.

"Brunch then?" He nudged her hoping to have some time to talk. He wasn't exactly hungry, he just had waffles, but a meal is always a good excuse to get out of the house.

She waited for the staff to descend the stairs and make their way through the kitchen exit before replying to Nate's offer. "I don't really feel like going out today," she smirked suggestively, leaning her hips forward. "My room's unoccupied," she added in case he missed the physical hint.

"I thought you said we'd stop once we got back?" He whispered, unaware if the staff have left.

"Maybe I changed my mind" her voice was lustful.

"Blair..." he wanted to protest, he had to. "What's going on?"

She barely flinched by his questioning, taking his hands with an inviting smile plastered on her face. She walked backwards to the stairs, letting one hand go as she made her way up, whilst pulling him along. They entered her room, and she led him in, standing by the door to lock it.

"What's wrong Archibald?" She took in his concerned expression, but ignored it. She wanted relief. Chuck wasn't the only one permitted to live in the past. She enjoyed her past too, before anything happened, when her biggest concern was getting Nate to sleep with her; which has become an easy achievement.

"Blair," Nate tried to reason again, but it grew more difficult once she came close enough, and placed kisses along his jaw.

"Don't you want to fuck me?" The way she said it, and bit his ear lobe, just made this the most difficult thing he had to reject.

"Blair". He was more determined this time. He held her by the shoulders, keeping her at a safe distance as he spoke. "What's going on? What happened last night?" She attempted another tactic, but he held her in place, giving her a look that said you're-not-fooling-me. At least he hoped so, because he was conflicted on whether or not to just throw her on the bed and attack her.

"Chuck came by," she shrugged. She figured Nate would know about Chuck's visit, did know, considering how determined he was to get her to talk. He either heard from Chuck this morning, or was told about it last night. Either way, Nate was still Chuck's best friend, as he's always been.

"I know this is hard for you... please talk to me," he brought her over to sit next to him on the bed.

"There really isn't anything to say Nate." Her answered sufficed in her reasoning, but his expression demanded more. "He came over, he was upset. I let him sleep over, but he disappeared before the morning," she summed it up emotionlessly.

"He's probably over at The Palace, did you want to...?" She shook her head, stopping Nate from finishing the suggestion of visiting him.

"Nate, I don't want to think about Chuck." It was a plea, but Nate knew better than to just put off the conversation.

"We could have lost him," he sounded more serious. "That's a hard thing to deal with, and repeating our summer routine won't help".

"It's an escape," she reminded him. That was the reason they started this whole thing a few weeks ago. Both upset, looking for comfort in a friend. "Chuck got his".

"I get it," he took her hand in his to still them from her habit of cracking her knuckles. "The past, it's appealing right about now." He watched her for any sign to continue, but she just looked ahead at the wall. "You want to go back, change things, and live the life you've originally planned." She turned to him suspiciously at that.

She wanted to deny him of the detail he just brushed upon, but at hearing the idea, it didn't seem at all farfetched. It was true, that a miniscule part of her wants to just go back and be with Nate without any of the problems.

"But we are who we are because of the mistakes we've made." Nate spoke the words just as they crossed her mind, and waited silently for her response.

"Chuck doesn't remember what he did." The statement wasn't resentful; more sympathetic.

Nate didn't respond, he just held her hand and allowed her silence to think. She turned to him and gave him a smile and he mimicked it back. He promised to be there for her, and he was.

"Thank you," she leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "You're a good friend," she watched as his expression turned to the worse, because he was in pain as well, he was suffering too. He could have lost his best friend; and the girl of his dreams no longer wanted anything to do with him.

"No, I'm not." He leaned over and kissed her lips. He had his own weakness, and needed his own release too. It was selfish, but she reciprocated as she wished he had earlier. It worked, despite how each thought of someone else, they would be there for each other. It was emotionless, but it would do for now.

* * *

**The Palace: Chuck's Suite**

"Get out." Chuck lit a cigarette and instructed the woman to leave. He threw the money on the bed and walked out before she did. He sat in the living room, and heard the door open. He turned to watch an embarrassed Serena stand aside as the lady left.

"Care for a drink, Sis?" He mocked this new knowledge. She was his sister now, and regardless of how much time they spent together the past few days, it still didn't change things as much as he would have wanted. He wanted to remember, not relive.

"Keeping busy, Chuck?" She gave him a smile, hoping her positivity would rub off on him. Her mother called her earlier, asking her to check up on him. She planned to go out afterwards, but seeing as Blair's not answering her phone, she thought best to take the chance to spend her day with Chuck. He didn't seem as up for it.

"You could say that." He replied, getting up to find himself a drink. Sex had actually sobered him up for once, and he wasn't at all thankful for it.

"Isn't it a little too early Chuck?"

"It's never too early." He offered her a glass and she accepted it. She carried it with her as they went back to sit in the living area.

"What can I do for you?" He asked, knowing that there isn't much Serena enjoys talking to him about.

"I thought we could go out, get lunch. Eric's craving Greek food," she sounded enthusiastic, and she probably was. The idea of just getting through a day, free of drama, sounded nice.

"Last I recall your brother hated me," Chuck didn't even care why. The boy was unimportant in the life he remembers.

"Well, how about we call up Nate?"

"He won't answer," he shrugged and finished his drink.

"We could always go get food alone Chuck." She suggested the idea, even though she pulled out her phone to dial Nate's number. If Blair could get over her discomfort of being around an ex, she could too.

"We could, but I rather you fill me in."

"That's what she said." Serena joked.

"What?" Chuck was lost at the sudden change of topics.

"I'm sorry," Serena recollected her nerves over what he asked her. She feared what he wanted to know, but expected nothing less post a conversation with Nate and Blair.

"Everything Serena. As much as you know," he stared at her with determination. He wanted to know, he's sick of being kept in the dark.

"Maybe we should ask Blair to join us then?" She broke eye contact to dial the other girl's number again.

"No," he put his hand over hers before she could dial for her friend. "Whatever you can, please".

"Why now?" She had to ask. He wasn't this adamant before. She knew he could have changed his mind at the return of their mutual friends, but truthfully she expected he would demand it from Nate, or Blair.

"Because of this," he pulled out a black box and placed it in front of Serena. He'd received it earlier, along with his passport, wallet, and other pocket filling items. The Parisian police had sent it all with a note, explaining that the store, Harry Winston, have contacted them regarding a suspicious man trying to return the item for what it's worth, and they felt obliged to send it over.

Serena glanced to Chuck and to the box, reaching it slowly to make sure Chuck allowed her to do so. She opened it knowing what to expect, but her imagination didn't come close to the true extravagance of the jewellery that sat snug in the black velvet. She knew what this meant, who it was meant for. At that moment Serena agreed that Chuck had to know.

* * *

**Blair Waldorf's apartment**

"I'm hungry," Nate admitted. They've been lying there for a while. Blair was resting her head on his bare chest, as he held her close. He drifted off for a few minutes, but couldn't help his hand playing with her soft curls. His mind drifted to how this all began. How he found her in tears, how he comforted her. How he'd opened up about how upset he still was about Serena. They regained a mutual bond over heartache, and succumbed to attempts at healing the other to ignore their own pain. Each truly wanted to cure the other, but when it all ended, they were nothing more than friends, and it took them a while to recall that this fantasy they lived in, would shatter as soon as they left the bedroom. But a few hours was all they craved from time to time.

"Maybe we should go get lunch then," she tilted her head up to look at him as she continued, "I'm actually craving eggs". Her lips formed a genuine smile that were just asking to be kissed. He did, before getting out of bed. Blair slipped on her robe, as Nate pulled on his boxers and began to collect his clothes. Their benefits should be put aside again, not to be repeated. This was a moment of weakness that they both craved salvation from, but they shouldn't and wouldn't repeat.

"We need to stop," they both whispered the words at the realization that this isn't meant to be.

"We can't keep falling back into old habits," Blair actually laughed, and Nate laughed in return. He shook his head and agreed.

"This is it then, no more Nate and Blair," he wasn't disappointed, he enjoyed having sex with her, but the disconnection during was decisive. It just didn't feel the same anymore, Paris was a fantasy on its own, this sort of stuff can't happen anymore in their real lives. Sex without strings just begged for pain. And neither of them wanted to head down another complicated road.

"If I knew sooner, I'd have made sure you were less selfish," she joked in search for her phone.

"I was not selfish," he shook his head to look for his pants. He looked up when she didn't respond and gave Blair a concerned look. "I'm not?"

She just laughed, and he shook his head again at how she would mess with him after sex.

He finally found his pants under the bed and pulled out his phone. His carefree attitude was continuously disrupted today, and Blair easily noticed at how his laughing came to an end.

"What's wrong?" She walked towards him.

"Chuck and Serena called..." he showed her his phone's screen.

"Did they leave a message?" She glanced down at her own phone and saw a couple of missed calls from Serena as well.

"No, but it could be important." Nate exchanged a knowing look with Blair, before deciding on what to do. He didn't have to, as Blair instigated the plan.

"They're probably at The Palace. Check Gossip Girl just to be sure," she instructed him easily before excusing herself. "I'll be ready in half an hour; you can use the guest bathroom." She didn't wait for him to exit her room before she jumped into the shower.

* * *

**The Palace: Chuck's Suite**

Chuck sat speechless for some time. Serena didn't disrupt his thinking either. She just allowed him time to accept what she just told him. He knew how his uncle and himself had a falling out, he was informed about it along with the many business letters and articles he'd been given during his hospital stay. He also knew how he'd come to have Lilly as his guardian. He just couldn't grasp the idea of being manipulated by that man, making him believe his mother had been alive all this time, and ultimately had him giving up his hotel. He had it back now, but at what cost exactly?

He was about to ask the crucial question he sensed Serena avoid. The words formed in his head, but the door flung open before they escaped his lips as Nate stumbled in. Blair walked in afterwards, head held high, knowing she shouldn't allow Chuck to witness how his presence affected her, especially after the previous evening, and her morning alone.

"Hey, we got your call," Nate smiled to Serena. God he hated how pretty she looked, effortlessly giving him the exact image of perfection.

"Calls." Blair corrected, smiling to the two sitting on the couch as she took a seat on one of the single chairs, Nate followed her lead.

"What's up?" Nate asked casually and Serena gave him her best forced smile.

"You know, uneventful day, how've you been?"

"Good day so far," filled with sex was his next thought, but he kept it to himself, only sporting a grin that made Serena smile weakly in turn. It was difficult to say that stuff to Chuck earlier; and now that Blair was here, she couldn't help worry for her friend.

All the while, Blair watched Chuck studying his drink, taking small sips before finishing the glass and placing it on the coffee table. He was occupying himself and she knew what that meant, what could have already been said.

"How are you feeling today, Chuck?" She asked, looking between him and Serena. Hoping the blonde would give her a clue, some indication of what to expect.

"Blair," Chuck looked away for a moment before turning back to face her, now having her full attention. "How did I get the Empire Hotel back?"

Everyone sat quietly, waiting for a response, for someone to speak. The three silently acknowledge the fact that Blair should be the only one to answer. She took her time, keeping her features blank and expressionless. She couldn't deter Chuck; she couldn't let her emotions affect his judgement as she spoke.

"Chuck, you don't have to hear everything now." She thought best to give him the option of denial, at least for now. It would hurt him, she knew it. And at that instance, it hurt her to tell him. Because despite how much she wished he could remember, to know exactly what he'd done to her, she knew that period hurt him as much as it did her.

"Please," he couldn't argue, but hoped she would understand his need to know, and that she would tell it to him straight.

He wanted to know, he could sense it to be the reason which climaxed their relationship, from which they fell, hard. The way Serena told him about everything, how much he'd done to Blair, for her even. How they finally became a couple. How they were as a couple. It ultimately stopped at this, and he knew there was a reason he was to blame for.

"You made a deal with Jack," she took a breath before continuing. "You made a deal, that if I slept with him, you would get your hotel back." Blair remained quite. Everyone just watched Chuck for a reaction, and soon enough Nate gave Blair a look to continue. Knowing Chuck, his mind wandered to the worst, which is just as bad, but no need for him to try and fill in the gaps.

She let out a sigh before getting up from the single seat to sit beside him on the couch. She took his hand and made him face her. If he wanted to hear it, then he'd have to face her saying it.

"Chuck, I went up there on my own." She used the explanation he had many times before, which helped her overcome their dispute the first time. "I was manipulated into thinking that Jack made the deal with me, but when he told me about your arrangement, he was satisfied with knowing that you and I would no longer be together"

Chuck still didn't speak. At that point Serena and Nate exchanged a knowing glance to leave and got up without a word, allowing the two brunettes to continue in private.

Chuck's eyes filled with regret, pain, as hers began to well up with tears. She blinked them away, and wiped at her cheek. Her attempt at calm and collected didn't last as she saw the face of the man she would do anything for, but ultimately broke her heart.

"I forgave you," she assured him. "I forgive you, and I was running back to tell you..." She didn't break eye contact, she wouldn't back down. He did, he looked away, and she allowed him to. She needed a minute, and was glad he was the one to seek for a moment to regroup first.

"But?" it was faint, but she heard him ask. He wanted her to continue, despite how his own eyes stung.

"You slept with someone else. Someone I couldn't forgive you sleeping with," she knew he wouldn't know who Jenny Humphrey was, or even realize her importance; she was smart enough to do the calculations herself. Jenny Humphrey, if existent in Chuck Bass's memory, was nothing more than a wannabe freshman.

"You should go," he excused her before getting up to leave.

"Chuck, don't shut me out," she stood up next to him and grabbed for his hand with both of hers. "I want to be here for you," she explained. At that moment the words felt numb at the tip of her tongue, and she would have said them if he didn't walk away.

"You're world would be easier without me in it." He finalized their conversation and walked into his room, shutting the door behind him.

She allowed the tears to fall. Sitting back down on his couch, grasping at her beating heart, as her entire being ached. The realization finally hit her; she still loved Chuck Bass.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN:**

**Thank you for everyone who's reviewed. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and have been enjoying the story so far.**

**Quick note; I may have crossed over to M content, but tried to keep it T. Please let me know if I should change the rating, thank you.**

* * *

**The Van der Bilts' Country House**

Nate's family had annually hosted an end of summer gathering for the family. He was allowed to bring guests of course, but he himself hasn't always attended. Blair used to be a more frequent guest when they dated, but even Serena and Chuck hardly ever visited anymore; having other plans in the end of the summer. This year however, he managed to convince Chuck to join him, and as his mother had it; Blair would be arriving in response to the invite she insisted on her during their vacationing in Paris. His mother had an ulterior motif of course, but so did he. Other than allowing Chuck the chance to finally announce his return to society; he planned on taking this opportunity to bring his friends back together. He even insisted Blair brought Serena as her plus one.

Nate was thankful that having his own guests meant he'd be able to avoid dealing with certain family members. Following last year's events, he wasn't particularly fond of most. He just wished Chuck was cooperating with a busying conversation, rather than sulking with another drink. Chuck hadn't exactly been opening up lately. Since the incident at the Palace, he'd shut himself off again; discussing meager concepts, while smoking up, and playing video games. He barely budged out of the Palace for anything other than his therapy sessions.

Blair, on the other hand, has been seen everywhere; from shops on 5th avenue, to cafes across Madison. All between the few times she's been spotted; feeding the ducks at central park with Dorota. Serena has informed him that Blair's been distancing herself from her as well; using Dorota's recent return as an excuse to avoid her. Blair hadn't spent time with either of the blondes, proclaiming to be busy when she was usually spotted solo. She was blatantly avoiding them; but he knew she wouldn't disappoint his mother by not attending today.

"Blair," Nate spotted the brunette just as she exited the house, and made her way out to the garden. He started to walk towards her and spotted Serena, who quickly grabbed Blair's hand for what looked like an attempt to talk to her.

"Blair, listen," The blonde girl was determined, forcefully taking Blair to the side. She'd been trying to talk to her for days, and only just got the chance to confront her about Chuck. They hadn't even made their way to this event together, but she timed her departure with Blair's none the less, courtesy of Dorota's help.

Nate finally reached them, glancing back to watch Chuck standing where he'd left him by the bar. He was looking over, but turned away seemingly uninterested in joining the trio.

"I don't want to talk about it S," she deemed her statement finalizing, but with both Nate and Serena present, it didn't seem possible to avoid the talk she'd been trying to avoid.

"Blair, you have to talk to him." Serena begged again, unable to tell her friend the secret that's been driving her insane.

"He told me to leave him alone," she reiterated. Her eyes glanced to where Chuck stood, leaning against the bar with his drink. She hated that she couldn't talk to him, but he wouldn't, didn't, allow it.

She couldn't admit it to either of her friends, but she had tried to see him. She went to the Palace, and was sent away. She called many times, but he'd hang up continuously. She even left notes at the concierge for him, with instructions to meet her at chosen destinations. She'd hoped he would arrive out of sympathy, picturing her there alone waiting for him, but he hadn't. She still waited though. Now he was here, but she couldn't bring herself to approach him. At that moment she couldn't think of a means to talk to or about him, and she just needed to get away from Blondie and Blonder.

The two blondes watched her leave and begin greeting people. Serena mentally cursed herself for keeping Chuck's secret. She wanted to tell her friend, she knew she had to. Yet, despite it being a secret, she didn't know how. How was she expected to blurt out to Blair that Chuck had every intention to propose to her that day?

Nate stood there, and gave her his best smile. Serena was looking more worried than usual. He waited for her to recollect herself before commencing with their contingency plan. If they couldn't get Blair to talk to him, then maybe Chuck should make the first move.

"Chuck, Blair's here," Serena smiled to her step brother, arriving at his side casually. She saw him more often than Blair over the past few days, but he hasn't spoken about a certain item she wished Blair would know about. She doubted Nate even knew about it, but if Blair only knew about it, then it would obviously be enough of a reason to get them talking.

"So?" He shrugged, leaning against the bar as he drank his scotch. He was in no mood to socialize, and has brushed off two of Nate's cousins. Twins. He could have had some fun there. A smirk formed on his lips at the thought that would probably make Nate kill him. Now there's an easy way out of a far too complicated situation.

"Don't you want to go say hi?" Nate asked, hoping to encourage him with his positivity.

Chuck merely smirked before looking towards the two who've been staring shamelessly.

Nate was about to try again, but his grandfather came over; insisting he should be introduce to whomever it was, for whatever reason he was given. He barely cared, but couldn't exactly do anything once his own grandfather excused him from his company.

Serena waited for Nate to be out of hearing range before returning to Chuck. "You have to tell her about the ring," Serena finally exclaimed, releasing the information as she would a breathe she held onto for much too long.

He didn't respond, he was denying she brought it up. The item is as much a forgotten memory as the emotions which drove him to purchase it. He doesn't recall loving Blair Waldorf, being in love with Blair Waldorf, or even admitting he's ever loved Blair Waldorf. The item held no value to him other than a prospect of bettering himself, and with all that he'd done to Blair; he doubted he could ever be anyone worthy of love. Let alone hers.

"She'll want to help you," Serena reasoned, breaking into the numbing silence he drew back to. She just wished she could force the two together in a room, and draw on some of Blair's manipulative capabilities to do so.

"I don't want her to do anything for me," he explained before finishing his drink to leave. Nate returned hastily, only to give Serena an apologetic look, before following Chuck to their table. He'd promised Lilly to never leave him wandering alone, to avoid any unwanted accidents; especially since Chuck's current condition hasn't been made public.

Serena just sighed, annoyed by the whole situation before going back to find Blair.

* * *

A couple of hours passed, and dinner had already been served. The guests sat on tables set up across the lawn, and the event was just an hour or so from ending. The two blondes haven't been able to bring their friends anywhere near each other throughout dinner, and as the sun finally began to set they knew they were running out of time.

Blair sat at her table, fully aware of her duty to keep up the façade of interest. She'd be complimented for her choice of summer dress, and accessories, and would reply courteously. Keeping up a conversation out of pure necessity; when in truth, her attention drifted elsewhere. Her eyes moved away from the current guest that approached her, glancing to where he was in hopes that he would be looking over. That would be enough of an opening to finally approach him.

She hoped Serena hadn't noticed, and by the way she pestered her from time to time, she didn't think so. In fact, the only one who probably noticed was Chuck, whom she finally caught looking over. He didn't look away instantly, allowing their eyes to meet for longer than intended. It was like he was just apologizing again, and again, and it ruined her resolve. In some ways she just wanted to tell him to shove the apology and to just let her help him, but that wasn't the case with Chuck Bass.

"Blair," Nate took the empty seat, which was previously occupied by the guest she evidently ignored. Serena left her earlier to converse with Chuck, but deterred when she almost bumped into Trip. She was at Chuck's side now, finally; and Nate didn't wait before coming over for himself. "We haven't had much of a chance to talk today," he smiled.

"Well, if it's Chuck you want to talk about then consider this conversation over." She looked away from him, finishing off her glass of champagne. She liked Nate, she really did. He made her laugh, and they bonded over the summer. True they did end up having sex, but it didn't mean anything. It was over, but she didn't feel like giving him the chance to bring up Chuck. In fact she wished he just left that instant.

"Actually, I just wanted to ask how you were," Nate's words were laced with honesty. She looked over critically, reading his expression as best she could before smiling back. This was Nate, he did not manipulate, he couldn't. He's genuine with almost everyone, wearing his heart on his sleeve, and she accepted that he was just being his own caring self. "Is there anything you want, need?" He offered, motioning to the empty plate and now empty glass.

"I'm good," she picked up another glass of champagne from one of the waiters passing by, "thanks". She lift the glass to him, toasting nothing, before taking a long sip. He just watched her intently; glad to have some time away from Serena. Despite their mutual resolve, he couldn't ignore everything that's happened, despite how much he wanted to.

"Blair, sweetheart, we must have the photographer take a picture of you and Nathaniel together" Nate's mother approached them with said photographer.

"Mom," Nate shook his head. He felt like a kid again, and she was really beginning to drive him crazy. "Not now"

"Blair doesn't mind," she looked to the brunette and smiled. Blair obediently shook no, with a smile at how childish Nate was reacting.

"Go ahead," she posed for the picture as Nate did the same. The photographer quickly took a few pictures before disappearing elsewhere, leaving Mrs. Archibald with the two teens.

"Have you made arrangements for your return home this evening," it wasn't a question, and Anne didn't even wait for an answer, "because you're welcome to stay the night. I know Nate already unpacked; and as long as you're family is away, I would be delighted to have you stay with us for the evening."

Nate shook his head, hoping to god his mother isn't going to just flat out tell Blair to share his bed. It was getting beyond ridiculous with this woman, and Nate knew he needed to talk to her about it at some point, soon. Thankfully Blair picked up on his mother's intentions, and just went along casually, if not obliviously.

"Well, I was going to take the limo home with Serena-" Blair couldn't even finish as Anne wrapped up their conversation.

"Then I'll have the staff prepare a guestroom for Serena." She didn't even wait for a response, and left.

Blair waited for his mother to be at a clear distance before turning to Nate, "so where was I expected to sleep?"

He laughed at that, and she joined him, unable to contain the giggles after the humiliation they both had to endure. "I'll make sure you get the rooms across the hall from us," despite the embarrassment, this was perfect. Just like old times.

* * *

The guests began to leave, and Nate left Blair earlier to inform Serena of his mother's plans to hold the two girls captive. Serena was more than happy to make a call to have Dorota prepare clothes and necessities, and instruct the driver to bring them over immediately. She agreed that this was a perfect arrangement to finally have the two talk, but knew they needed to plan for the next day. Chancing the evening may lead to disasters, which may lead to people leaving in the middle of the night and that would be hard to explain the next day. No, they'd wait 'til morning to force them together, until then they would enjoy sleep.

The four were given the lower west wing. It was far enough from the rest of the house to have their privacy, and with big enough rooms that Serena was able to convince Blair to share. There was an extra room, but Serena insisted, seeing as the bed was more than big enough. They haven't really spent much time together since Paris. She missed her travel buddy. One rule though, no Chuck talk.

"Fine," Serena agreed, because now that it was late, there wasn't much to be done. She sat at the dresser, brushing her hair, as Blair finished getting ready for bed. "How are you though?"

"I'm good." She didn't plan on delving into much more than that, but Serena's concern was real, and she didn't want her friend worrying. "The Prada clutch I pre-ordered in Paris arrived"

"God, I miss Paris!" Serena exclaimed. She went to Blair who sat on the large bed and got under the covers. "All those nights on Champs**-**Élysées_,_" she reminisced, allowing her mind to travel back to earlier that summer.

"We had fun together," Blair spoke as if it was surprising. They hardly fought during the holiday, and even if they did they were petty arguments here and there which were forgotten by the hour.

"Of course we did," Serena hugged Blair close as she got under the covers on her own side. "You're my best friend; I couldn't imagine having that much fun with anyone else"

"Serena," she knew she had to say something. She'd been distancing her friend for more reasons than Chuck, and she knew it wasn't right to keep this from her. "I slept with Nate", when the blonde didn't respond she knew she had to clarify, "in Paris". It wasn't difficult to say, but at hearing it, it sounded so unimaginable that she couldn't believe it herself. But all those mornings, nights, afternoons, they happened; it was real.

"Blair?" Serena practically screamed in accusation. "Why? You're not together? Please tell me it was a drunken mistake!" Serena was confused, outraged, but beyond everything, surprised she was more worried about her friend than she was about it being with Nate.

"No, it wasn't. It was... we were just having fun you know?" Blair tried to make it sound less scandalous, and ultimately she knew it wasn't. It couldn't be when it was just a matter of two friends, helping each other out. It wasn't like she was sleeping around, and at least with Nate it was mutual.

"I do," Serena nodded after thinking it over, allowing herself time to not overreact, especially when her initial reaction wasn't as terrible as she would have predicted. She thought of Nate as any other boy in that instant, and understood exactly where Blair was coming from. She had fun sleeping around all summer, and she knew Blair wasn't like that. Blair had to trust the guy, and feel comfortable with him, which required knowing him for more than a week. Nate was an obvious choice for her since Chuck was out of the question, and still is apparently.

"I'm sorry, I know that-" Blair tried to apologize; despite the fact she was convinced it had been ok, not regretting the summer one bit.

"Don't be," the blonde smiled happily. "I'm glad you got some action while we were there. I started to feel like I was the only one getting any in Paris," she joked. She wasn't upset about Nate, and she wasn't exactly qualified to play the morally high card.

"Actually, we did hang out a lot in Cannes, and there was one time since we've been back," Blair continued to just get it all out. Serena wasn't as upset as she expected her to be. In fact, her friend was more than understanding, which just made it easier to get it all out.

"Are you sure there isn't anything else though?" Serena knew how it can be just sex, but she also knew Blair. Sex to her, at least once upon a time, was sacred. That was before Chuck Bass though.

"There isn't!" She responded quickly, earning a questioning look from Serena, "we have a mutual understanding, and it's over now anyways". They've not been together since their last agreement, nor did she plan on it. Ever since she came to terms with her feeling for Chuck she just couldn't bring herself to think about anyone else. He'd completely occupied her mind, and so far he's the only man in her life that she'd want to be with.

"I guess this means Nate's moved on," it wasn't a question, just a truth Serena came to terms with.

"Are you okay?" Blair had to ask. She knew Nate hadn't exactly moved on, in fact the reason they slept with each other in the first place was out of heart break. It wasn't her place to explain his feelings to Serena, despite how much she knew it wouldn't make a difference to the blonde's decision.

"I am. I just didn't expect him to. He'd always been there," Serena couldn't remember a time Nate hadn't been more than a friend. Even as he dated her best friend, he was still an insanely close friend to her.

"I know, but it didn't mean anything. It was just sex, and mediocre at best," Blair mocked. It may have helped release a good dose of Oxytocin, but it was still lacking. He was comforting, not passionate, and she needed much more than a friend in bed.

"It's alright, actually I think I've moved on too," Serena admitted, reaching over to turn off the lights.

"You sure?" Blair asked, no longer able to see her friend in the dark, just felt her shifting on her side of the bed.

"I've been sleeping around all summer," she cringed out how that sentence made her sound, but she knew Blair didn't judge her like that. "I just need to start learning to be comfortable on my own for a while"

"That's a mature decision," Blair nodded out of habit, knowing her friend couldn't see her. She leaned over and tried to hug the blonde, hoping not to miss and grab anything else as her hand reached for her.

"Good night B," Serena giggled at how they were hugging each other in the dark. She started to fall asleep, tired from the day of walking around in heels, and the ride over hadn't exactly been pleasant.

"Good night S," Blair shoved her away as she kept laughing. No one's born happily deranged, and if Lilly would admit she dropped her child on her head as a baby, then falling asleep while laughing would make much more sense.

* * *

Hours passed, yet Blair couldn't sleep. She knew she was tired, she felt exhausted; but it wasn't easy to relax knowing that Chuck was in the room just down the hall. She looked over and tried to make out if Serena was sleeping. She called for her in a whisper, but when the blonde didn't respond she figured she'd just take a walk. She was thankful Dorota had packed a robe along with her newly favored baby-doll. She couldn't place the last time she slept over in this house, but it couldn't have been at a time when her nightly attire would be considered indecent to wear freely around the house.

Blair snuck out of her room silently, and didn't bother checking in with Nate. Seeing as it's past midnight, he'd either be sleeping, or high. In either case, she didn't need him to help her sleep, and made her way to the kitchen. Memories began to flood in her head as she made her way through the halls. It'd been so long, and she could vaguely remember having a play room around here somewhere, but she knew better than to snoop around alone. She stayed true to her destination, and entered the kitchen in hopes of a drink. Maybe some warm milk, or hot chocolate. Alcohol was a rather tempting choice, knowing how well intoxication helped her relax; it even made the idea of asking Nate for a joint appealing, but she wasn't in her own home to do such a thing.

"Can't sleep?" She jumped at the sound of his voice, her body turning to face the source of the intruding voice. She was far caught up listing her options that she didn't even notice him standing against the counter to the left of the door. He looked at peace with his drink, and she envied his relaxed state.

"Not really," she admitted a little annoyed, pulling out a carton of milk, and abandoning the idea of anything warm. She could feel him staring, but occupied herself with pouring the milk into a glass. She drank it down hastily, wondering how he'd managed to avoid her for so long and act like they'd never been apart.

"Care for something stronger?" he offered the bottle he held as she finished her milk, seemingly unsatisfied with her choice of drink.

"No, thank you," she responded before returning the milk carton to the fridge. Her nerves malfunctioned the longer she was around him without being able to hit him for avoiding her. "Why are you awake?"

He didn't respond for some time, drinking from his glass as his eyes studied the room. It drove her mad, and she detested how weak she began to crumble just waiting for his response. "I was trying to remember the last time we were here..."

"It was before high school," she said immediately, not allowing that deadly silence to return. "I wanted a snack, but Nate's parents told him to go to sleep..." she smiled at the memory that she only started to remember now. "Nate was too afraid to disobey his parents," Chuck's presence helped, he helped her remember, and she wished her presence was enough to help him too. "So we had to sneak down and make sandwiches"

"Peanut butter and jelly" he inputted.

"No jelly," Blair reminded him since they never found the jar of jam. They stood there, reminiscing for a moment. Her nerves relaxed, no longer enraged to inflict physical blows; she watched him smile at the memory and just like that she forgave him all over again. Forgetting every upsetting detail, and simply enjoyed being in his company. At realizing this Chuck retreated behind his wall, fully prepared to push her away.

"If you're done here you should go back to sleep," he practically scolded her with his words, looking away from her in defense.

"Stop pushing me away Chuck," she almost yelled, but contained herself, knowing the house was filled with sleeping people.

He didn't even respond, just made his way out the kitchen, discarding his alcohol just to escape her. She wasn't going to give up this time. She placed the glass she used in the sink and followed after him, finally grabbing his hand on the way, and forced him along with her, back to the west wing and into the first empty bedroom.

"What do you want Blair?" He sounded aggravated by being brought her against his own will, but didn't budge. His eyes couldn't even look at her, feigning disinterest as they stared critically at the wall to the side. He allowed her to bring her here, but didn't know what to do or say to her. He couldn't have her around him. He knew she was the only one who could get past his best defenses, and it terrified him. It was equally horrified him knowing the effect he had on her, that no matter how much he wanted her selfishly, he was still capable of inflicting damage to her perfection.

"Chuck, I want to help you," she spoke the words steadily. Making sure he heard them with all the sincerity she could muster.

"You'd be wasting your time," he retorted and tried to leave, but she held him in place.

"That's for me to decided," she emphasized as she pulled him closer. Despite how hard he pushed, she pushed back ten folds. They stood in silence, their figures faintly lit by the moonlight seeping in from the window.

Blair took another step towards him, taking his face in her hands to make him see her, her honesty. No walls, just her.

"I told you I loved you... do you remember?"

He didn't respond, just listened as his eyes began to sting. He watched her speak to him, her eyes flooding with emotions that drew him closer. He wanted her more with each passing second, recognizing the way his body yearned for hers physically, and finding it difficult to contain himself as new emotions coursed through his body.

"I love you Chuck..."

Something inside him erupted at hearing those words again. It ached in his chest, and pained him with pleasure he couldn't place. He imagined the words again and again, picturing her whispering them in his ears, as he would express them to her with equal honesty, but he couldn't. He couldn't accept a feeling he didn't even understand. A feeling he knew he didn't deserve.

"You shouldn't love anyone that hurts you Blair," he was advising her, telling her to run away, escape before he hurt her again. He took her wrists and pulled her hands away from his face, but held them at their sides. Her hands intertwined with his, and he allowed it. He couldn't stick with his resolve, it was too comforting to be around her, too alluring, too satisfying.

"Chuck, I need to hear you say it..." she practically begged. Handing over a damaged heart for only him to fix, "I need you to remember those feelings".

He was lost for words, not knowing what to say, what to do. He was conflicted, his initial plan to push her away was failing against these emotions that deemed the world to be an invaluable purchase to present to her. He no longer felt like his usual self, like he's inhabited another's body. It reacted to feelings in ways he didn't ever realize it could. Because, as much as he recognized the fluttering in his stomach, he couldn't determine what was causing his heart to race, his blood to boil, his skin to shiver, and his palms to sweat.

Blair searched his eyes, hoping to find something, anything, that she could connect to. Her hands slipped out of his, and slid up his arms to interlock at the back of his neck. She pulled him down to look deeper. They fell from his eyes and studied his parted lips. She lost all other ideas, watching him as she leaned closer, giving into feelings that drove her to overcome all defenses she built against him.

She kissed him.

It was soft, gentle, a gesture of trust and love that she hoped he could recall. She leaned her head back and watched his eyes intently. They gave no indication of recognition, as they searched for answers in hers. They were confused, conflicted, and purely lost.

She took that as the rejection she feared. She had hoped that through a reunion, all their problems would merely dissolve. He'd magically remember their time together, remember every morning they woke up in the same bed, and every night they fell asleep in each others' arms. She hoped kissing him would make him remember those three words her heart needed to hear, but it hadn't. She felt like she'd failed, but knew she was expecting too much. At that she backed away, turning to face the bed, and allowing him to finally leave.

He didn't. She felt him walk towards her and her breathe hitched once his hand found her waist. He spun her around, forcing her against him, as his lips collided with hers, desperately seeking her again.

She relished in the passion that flooded within her, as every nerve ending felt reawakened under his touch. She leaned away to undo the sash of his robe, as he watched her force the material out of the way. She smirked at the sight of him in boxers and an under shirt, since he hadn't roamed around so inappropriately since their childhood days.

She took a step back to undo her own robe, allowing it to part to reveal her negligee to Chuck. He moved closer at the invitation, his hands reaching under the silk to slide it off her shoulders. It fell to the ground silently, conflicting with the sound of his heart beating wildly in his chest. He wondered if Blair heard it as clearly as he did.

The sight of her was as intoxicating as ever, but she wasn't the same girl he recalled sleeping with twice. She knew what she was doing; she had lost that innocence but similarly gained an appeal he couldn't refuse. His head dipped and he kissed her exposed shoulder. His ears perked at the noises she made of him and he continued on his trail of kisses across her neck, while backing her up towards the bed.

She sat once she felt the mattress hit the back of her knees. Chuck took that moment to free himself of the shirt he wore. He could barely make out her eyes dilating, but recognized the lustful stare she sported while studying his figure. Her eyes roamed his body and bit her bottom lip, as if contemplating on the possibilities, before falling on the scar at his side.

Her hand reached for the distinctly damaged skin, studying the new flesh with delicate inspection. He shivered under her touch, which made her withdraw her hand. She felt tears starting to form in her eyes, but held them back. She ended this moment with a kiss against his abdomen and waited for him to proceed.

His hands pulled at the material of her night-ware, and after little shifting, he managed to pull it off her. She moved back into the middle of the bed as he crawled in after her, finally meeting her lips again to kiss as his hands studied her figure intently. The memory of their first night together overwhelmed him, as his hands moved against recognizable curves, and declared with every touch that this was one body he'd never tire of ravishing.

She moaned under his body, unable to imagine how she thought she could ever be satisfied by anyone other than him. Her hands moved up his torso and into his hair, massaging his scalp instinctively out of habit.

He groaned as she shifted her hips against him. He couldn't believe that he could forget such a body. He moved his lips away from her mouth and began to show his appreciation with kisses and licks across the soft skin the lead him to the last of her garments. Encouraged by the noises she'd made for him, he slid off the flimsy material to revel in the sight of her.

She watched him stare at her, as his eyes spoke volumes of adoration. It scared her how much he'd probably always loved her; prior to all the lies, the hurt, the involvements. He's always had the basis to end up with her. She just wished he'd admit to them, in which case she'd never stay away.

"Say it again," he begged as his mouth latched to her neck again, kissing and biting in plea. "Say those words"

"I love you," she didn't hesitate. It came out as a weak whisper, but he heard them. His hand found her core and he made quick work to build up her release. She bit into his shoulder, failing to control herself from making too much noise. She had to keep in mind where they were.

He groaned in pain, but didn't stop her. He merely took it as a sign to continue as he was, only stopping to allow her a moment to catch her breath. He cherished the look she gave him and kissed her again, shifting against her to make her moan louder into his mouth.

Blair was growing impatient with anticipation, reaching for his boxers to free his throbbing erection. He maneuvered with her to kick the material off before readying himself against her. He waited a moment, waiting for a signal.

As if reading his mind she nodded, but knew her eyes were more than begging him to proceed.

Chuck didn't hesitate. He leaned forward to capture her lips before forcing himself inside her. His ears rung with the sound of their united moan, and it drove him to begin moving against her.

Blair's hands were in his hair, scraping his scalp with pleasure as she allowed him to build up a rhythm. She reciprocated the movements, wrapping her legs around his waist to draw him in closer with each thrust. He would moan her name as she would scream out his, forgetting all sense of silence as they reached their end.

Chuck collapsed from exhaustion, and she allowed his weight to press down on her. She felt perfect under his body, fitting against him in every angle, and knowing it was meant to be. He shifted moments after, retracting from inside of her, and rolled to the other side of the bed. He was still breathless, driven in a way he wasn't used to. He's never tired himself like that, but he didn't want to stop.

He laid beside her, and watched her move closer; pulling along the covers that have been pushed aside during their intercourse. She draped it over the two of them, as she rested her head against his shoulder. She knew he wouldn't reject the gesture, he couldn't; but his response was of a man who wasn't used to it.

His arm pulled her closer, comforted by having her body press against his. He buried his face in her brown curls, allowing her scent to overwhelm him before giving in to sleep. His hand reached for hers, which she'd placed on his stomach; and held on to her as a final life line. Selfish or not, he never wanted to let go.


	6. Chapter 6

**The Van der Bilts' Country House**

The morning hue invaded his peaceful slumber. His eyes barely opened, detesting how the light hit his face, but he wouldn't dare move. He wouldn't disturb the petite sleeping brunette that was cuddled up against him. Her legs were tucked between his, and her arms were folded against his chest. One hand laid flat against him, just where his heart was. He tightened his hold on her ever so slightly, smiling at how she allowed him to keep her so close. He recalls being denied a moment longer with her after their first night, having no means of stopping her from leaving his limo to return to her house; and vaguely recalls the morning after her birthday. He woke up alone because she had to get ready for something, he couldn't remember. He strained his head trying to remember, but those details were as much a blank as everything else.

His attention fell back to the brunette as she stirred in his arms. He loosened his grip on her, realizing he'd been holding her quite tightly. He really was a possessive person.

"Good morning," she sighed, her eyes still closed. Her arms wound around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. It was a quick peck, and gave her reason to finally open her eyes, to greet him, to make sure it all happened, it was all real, and she was in fact in the arms of the man she dreamt of.

"Hi," he gave her the best smile he could muster. The situation was far too new to him; he didn't know how to act and depended solely on reacting.

"You're uncomfortable," she backed away. She was quick to recognize the disguise he usually put up, and was hit with the realization that everything wasn't as perfect as the dream. Chuck still didn't remember.

"No, it's not that," he quickly brought her back to him. He felt cold the second she left his side. It was an instant reaction; he missed her even if she was still within arm's reach. "I'm just, new to this..." he added, but it didn't feel true.

It was strange to think she was now the more experienced of the two. Well, not in the case of sex, she probably could never catch up, but when it came to moments like these, he didn't exactly remember. She just snuggled next to him for a moment and thought through the events so far. A smile was plastered on her face as she repeated last night in her head. It felt so right to be with him again, despite everything, she'd missed him. In fact...

She looked up and caught him staring at her. He had a worried expression on his face, and it made him look adorably attractive in that moment. She leaned back up and kissed him, rolling them over so that she was on top. He groaned into the kiss as she shifted against him, now straddling him suggestively.

"What are you doing?" He smirked, grabbing a hold of her waist to keep her still.

"Getting you ready," she leaned forward and kissed him again. So what if she settled and was sleeping with a Chuck that had no clue of his feelings, and hasn't even said he loved her. "But we have to be quick," she was going to enjoy this, indulge in everything she'd missed over the summer, and make sure he knew exactly why they were meant to be.,, starting with their insane bedroom chemistry.

* * *

Thirty fabulous minutes later and they were walking out of the room, clothed, hand in hand, with grins that hinted on more than their earlier activities. They would have spent all day in that bed if they could, but she knew she had to get back to her room before Serena noticed she went missing. She could picture it now, Serena's reaction would be rather priceless, and the talk after was too predictable. Her hand fell from Chuck's the second she heard the familiar gasp, and turned with Chuck to face a wide eyed Serena. It didn't help that they each sported their own deer-in-the-headlights look either. Blair didn't expect to be caught this soon, that's for sure.

"Blair? What's going on?" The surprise left her face, and her smile spoke volumes of happiness to see them together.

"I'll catch up with you at breakfast," Chuck announced, placing a quick kiss on her cheek before leaving the two girls to talk. He knew he probably pushed it with that sentiment, but he really felt like kissing her, again and again. She was infectious.

Serena continued giving her friend a look, demanding she explained with details, but Blair just rolled her eyes. She had to shower first, and get ready for breakfast. God knows she can't arrive at the table smelling like Chuck Bass.

* * *

"Does this mean you're back together?" Serena finally asked as they sat at the kitchen counter. It was still early for breakfast, and the staff merely gave the two girls their privacy. They were served tea and pastries, and were giving the room to talk.

"I'm not sure. In his case we were never together to begin with." It was upsetting, coming to terms with the situation. She ignored it this morning and has been trying to overlook it, but it's not exactly an avoidable issue.

Serena felt for her friend in that instant. How was she expected to have a relationship with someone who didn't even remember their history? It was definitely not the time to get into the matter though, and the blonde didn't feel like ruining Blair's cheerful morning.

"You know," Serena smiled suggestively, "when I woke up this morning I thought you might have snuck off to see Nate" It was a joke, evidently so, and Blair smiled in response.

Chuck, however, didn't find it as funny.

"Why would she be with Nate?" He'd entered the kitchen at that and looked between Blair and Serena.

Blair couldn't help the guilt that appeared on her face, but she wasn't even sure why. She hadn't felt guilty earlier confessing to Serena, but Chuck...

She was quick to her feet, and as Chuck left she followed. She glanced back to Serena, seeing the concern in her face, and doubted her own expression reassured her. She had no idea what to do or say at that instant, but she wouldn't let him assume the worst without an explanation.

* * *

"Chuck, wait," she held the door to his room before it shut and entered after him.

"Leave me alone Blair," he sat on the edge of his bed, crouching forward as he rested his elbows on his knees. He needed to think, and above all remember. He's been trying to do that all morning, but it just never came.

"Let me explain," she sat next to him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged her off.

"You don't have to explain anything," he looked away; he had to think, gather everything that was running through his mind and place them into words for her. "You're not Blair," his eyes met hers at the conclusion that his mouth made too early for his head. "You're not innocent," he had to look away as the thought crossed his mind of her being with anyone else, "untouched".

"Chuck," she tried to reason with him. It was beyond clear to her how his mind worked that instant. She'd already seen him react this way before. "Things changed, we changed... together," she wanted to help him remember. She was so sure that he'd heard it once before, that he'd known she was with others, he even assumed as much when he saw her with Nate, but he just didn't accept it. He'd have to face these revelations from scratch, and accept them as they were made clear.

"I just don't remember," his hands were in his hair, as he tried again and again. It was frustrating, and his mind went to last night, and then the night of her birthday. That instant he began doubting his own memory, and he couldn't even determine if they were real, if they really happened. But Blair was here, now, and that must mean something.

"You don't have to force yourself," she held one arm, hoping that he wouldn't strain himself.

"I want to!" His fist collided with his knee, emphasizing his point, letting some of the anger that was building up out. He had to control his breathing, relax, and took a moment to remind himself that he can't blame everyone else for this, especially when they're trying to help.

"When we were in High-school," Blair didn't even know where she was going with this, but if he wanted to remember every detail then she would be more than happy to supply, "we got caught having a pool party-"

"Serena told me" he interrupted. "A kid got sent to the hospital, and everyone was going to get into trouble" he summed it up

"Yeah, but that's one side of it." He turned to look at her and saw her smiling. "You were actually torturing me that week, holding the fact I slept with you first against me. Saying that you'd tell Nate"

"Oh?" He didn't seem that interested once Nate came into the picture. He was his best friend, but Blair spending time with Nate was never something Chuck enjoyed.

"Yeah, you threatened to tell him during your trip to Monaco over Christmas." She summed it up recognizing his disinterest and moved on to something else. "A few weeks before he interrupted us making out. Dorota called me away from you, and I never hated Nate more. He came over to ask me to go to Cotillion, since I wasn't going to go with him anymore..." she had to keep herself from smiling too much. "When he finally left we got straight back to my bed and we did it for the billionth time," she bragged. Then she remembered her birthday, and how she first accepted Chuck as more than a friend. "We would have probably managed a few repeats after my birthday, but you had to leave with your dad on one of his business trips during our thanksgiving break..." Her hand found his, and she held onto him.

"I probably thought of that body of yours every day," he smirked as he looked her over. She was putting an effort for his sake, and he appreciated it, allowing his fingers to intertwine with hers.

"Yes well, we made up for it when you got back," she leaned over and kissed the corner of his mouth. Not much else was said as they played with each others' hands. She allowed him time to think, as she busied herself with remembering all the good times she shared with Chuck.

He stood up abruptly, and pulled her along. She stood her ground before he left and pulled him back to share one last kiss, before they faced the rest of them. She wasn't keen on letting everyone know that they were back together, seeing as she wasn't even sure if that was the case. It was complicated, but she wasn't planning on letting him go. They made their way back to the kitchen and saw Nate and Serena leaving to enter the dining room.

Everyone else was awake now, and was enjoying the grand breakfast, but neither Nate nor Serena dared to enter before they saw the newly made up couple.

"Good morning" Nate smiled to the two, happy to see them together.

"Good morning" Chuck's hold tightened on her hand. It was a reflex, he couldn't control, he had her and he won't let her go.

"Congratulations you two" Serena jumped them and wrapped her arms around them both. She couldn't be happier, knowing exactly how perfect they were for each other.

"Thank you" Blair replied to Serena, and gave a look to Nate. He was just as much a support for her as Serena, and he honestly seemed happy to see her with Chuck, but she didn't miss the slight disappointment in his eyes.

"Ok, I need to borrow you!" Serena explained to Chuck as she forced him away. Chuck quickly looked over to Blair who smiled, but he frowned the second Nate walked up to her side.

"Blair" Nate called her name the second Chuck was out of the room.

"What's wrong?"

"You told Serena, that's what" he didn't sound pleased. He wasn't exactly angry either, but he was definitely unhappy with her.

"I'm sorry, she's my best friend" she watched him mess up his hair, despite the hour he probably spent on making himself presentable for his family breakfast.

"But now she thinks-"

"I know," Blair cut him off. She should have talked to him first, but she knew he wouldn't agree with telling Serena.

Nate wouldn't get mad at her; he had a big part in it. _A big part indeed_, he smiled at the thought, and returned to Blair. "I'm happy for you, really" he hugged her close, whispering the words so only she could hear.

"Thank you" she felt the tears sting in her eyes, grateful to have both Serena and Nate supporting her as she faced this situation.

* * *

"Have you told her?" Serena whispered to Chuck once they were far enough.

"What?" Chuck wasn't pleased to have left Blair with Nate.

"The ring Chuck, does she know?" the question won his attention.

"No," he shook his head, he didn't know how. As far as he knew, he didn't love her enough to do such a thing as propose. He barely managed cuddling, a commitment like that was too far off in his head now.

"Why?"

"I don't know". _Maybe because I don't know the first thing about love. Maybe because I don't even remember buying the damned thing. Maybe because it's the least of my problems._

"You have to tell her" She repeated as she had many times before.

"No, I don't" his words came out harsh, but he intended to get through to her Serena despite her insistent demands. "I'm not the one who bought the ring," he finally explained and left her standing there in slight shock.

But the words made sense, he wasn't Chuck, and it just hit her: what Blair's going to struggle with most. Chuck's the same as he was, jealous, callous, and a womanizing bastard. He still hasn't grown into his more caring self, which only ever really showed when he stood by her side against Georgina, and further more when he finally began to fight for Blair. He may be learning now, but they were all past that stage in their lives.

She followed him to join Blair and Nate to head into the dining room, and finally get some breakfast. They were due back in the city in a few hours, and she knew best not to bring up the ring issue anytime soon.

* * *

**Dr. Kan's Office**

"How was your weekend?" Dr. Kan immediately asked as chuck stepped in. He took his usual seat without uttering a word. She finally looked up from her notepad and smiled expectantly.

"Ok"

"Anything happened during your stay with Nate?" She pressed on, knowing about the party. Lily had asked for her approval before allowing Chuck to go. She only responded with it best surrounding chuck with as casual an atmosphere as possible.

He had yet to answer, and she let out a defeated sigh. He had days when he was easy, quite charming to talk to. Then he had days when he would be as unresponsive as possible. At least he wasn't drunk off his ass.

"If you won't answer more thoroughly Chuck, I may have to suggest we use hypnosis again". She knew it was low to threaten him with that, considering the last time, but he was being difficult.

"No," he responded quickly. He didn't enjoy it the first time, and didn't dare to embarrass himself again. Not that chuck bass was embarrassed of anything, but best avoid that scenario again.

"Tell me what happened," she figured there must have been something that regressed Chuck from his talkative self.

"Blair said she loved me, or well she said she loves me now too, but..." he struggled to say anymore, landing on three words that have been running through his mind on repeat "I don't know". Pros and Cons seemed to fill his thoughts, but he hadn't figured out how to weigh them against each other. Too many ifs and maybes.

"That's-"

"I didn't say it back" He clarified before she congratulated him over something he had yet to see as a victory. She loves him, that's a fact. Does he deserve it? Does he love her back? Should he?

"Why is that?" She asked, but he didn't have an answer to her question. He just stared at her, eyes clueless on what to say or do.

"I've never said it before," he tried.

"You have with me" She reminded him. They heard the recording from when he was hypnotized. He even remembers blubbering it out when he was drunk. But now, bone dry sober. He barely managed to say that she said it. For him to say that he does seemed impossible.

"In my right mind, I haven't ever said it before." Not to Bart, not to Blair, not even about his own mother. Not that he really had one to care for. "I don't even think I know what it means." To sacrifice all you are for one person, to give them everything. To fully trust them with your heart, as you pass it on to them blind folded. "I told them to her once before... But I'm not that guy... not yet I guess" It was still weird talking about himself as another person, a future self, or at least that's how it mostly felt like. But he wasn't him, and it was confusing as hell.

"Chuck," she knew she would have to remind him of the worst case scenario, "You must understand that there is a chance you'll never get your memory back." He nodded, but kept himself preoccupied with his hands; at least he was listening. "In which case you're entitled to just live, and what you feel now is more important than how you felt".

"A lot's happened," he responded, worried. He may be allowed to just be himself, but it affected a lot more people, it affected Blair. She was with the other guy, his future self, but he messed it up. Maybe it was a good thing he started a new, then maybe he could keep himself from doing the same mistakes. But he was still him; to Blair and everyone he has and always will be Chuck Bass. He was the same guy who made mistakes he couldn't remember.

"If she loves you, then she's willing to get past it". She commented, practically reading his mind. It hadn't been difficult, since he'd managed to bring her up during every session so far.

Her words rang in his ears when he left for the day, finding no better reason to just go and be with Blair. He'd missed her, having left the Van Der Bilts country house a little earlier than the rest to be back in time for his appointment. Now he was done, and was sure she was back, he made his way to his car, fully intending on visiting the Waldorf's

* * *

**The Waldorf's Apartment**

She descended the stairs as quietly as she could as the music echoed through. She couldn't recall the last time that piano had been played, but recognized his talents no less. Beethoven always had been his favorite to play, despite not knowing a thing about the composer. It was natural for him to work his fingers across the keys, and he seemed at peace playing.

She just arrived an hour ago, and had decided to take a nap. She had managed to get into a deep sleep but woke up once he started playing.

He concluded the piece and glanced over to where he knew she was. He could sense her watching, smelt her in the air, tasted her right before he'd made his way to her side. "Did I wake you?" he asked with a smirk. He had entered her room earlier, and found her sleeping. He didn't feel like waking her up, but once he returned to the foyer and saw the piano he felt the urge to play. He'd played as a kid, and it was a silly concern but he wondered if he could at least remember how. He also figured if he did, he'd wake her without it being too obvious.

"You did," she leaned up and kissed him. He kept smiling at her, before she finally had the sense to move and take a seat on the couch. "How was your appointment?"

"Dull," he took the seat beside her on the couch. "How was your trip?"

"Dull" she smiled over to him.

"Then I opt we find a way to make up for such a dull afternoon," he smirked and leaned over to begin kissing her. She moaned into the kiss and he smiled against her lips at how he unwound her with simple touches. "Did we ever do it here?"

She leaned back and looked him over quizzically. He was still smirking, but seemed to honestly want to know as he pressed on. "You said we did it a few times," he continued as his eyes fell onto her neck before he began kissing his way across the soft skin there. "I just want to know where we have"

"Yes," she moaned as he worked on a sensitive spot he rediscovered earlier that morning. She regretted answering once he backed off.

"Where else?" He asked, looking straight in her eyes with a mischievous gleam. She smiled as she picked up on his game.

"My room," she started, "Your suit at The Palace." Her mind had to work through the many places, and she smiled at the memory of most. Her eyes glanced around the room and finally fell to the side. "On the stair case," she smirked.

"That must have been uncomfortable," he looked over to the marbled steps, practically laughing at the thought.

"The bedroom was just too far," she kissed him, drawing his attention back to her.

"Shower?" he finally asked.

"Many times," another kiss.

"Floor?"

"Everywhere," He smiled at how she seemed to feel just as accomplished by the places they've christened.

"Piano?" His eyes finally looked up past her.

She actually turned around and looked at the large black instrument. Her eyes momentarily fell on the dining table, and she recalled a time on that, but piano...

"I don't think we ever got on top the piano before," she was personally surprised by that realization. Have they never done it there? She was sure they spent an evening ravishing each other all over this room, but the piano.

"Then, by all means," he helped her up and pulled her against him, kissing her with much more hunger than before. She moaned into the kiss as his tongue slipped past her lips. She felt him backing her up, but she was far too consumed by him as she dragged her hands across his shirt's collar, and down the buttons, contemplating on whether she should just work on each, or just pull the fabric apart.

He finally had her against the piano, and with one quick hoist he had her sitting on it and began tearing at her undergarments.

His shirt was forcefully freed off him and fell to the floor along with her underwear. She started working on his belt buckle and was more than thankful to have the place to herself. Her family was still in Paris, Dorota wasn't asked to come by, and the rest of the staff should have finished cleaning earlier today, and would not be returning unless requested later that evening.

They both cried out once Chuck thrust into her. Their breathing turned erratic, but neither wanted it to stop. Blair bit into his shoulder to keep herself from screaming, but he would beg her to be louder. They would moan in pleasure, and yell out in ecstasy, and when it finally ended he had to steady her once she climbed off the piano.

"Come on," he encouraged, picking her up, having already pulled up his pants. He helped her to the couch and collapsed beside her. He was exhausted, but at the site of her, smiled; and once she began to giggle he laughed. It was more than the sex; it was the fun of doing it with Blair.

His stomach was filled with the tingles of incipient wings. He was starting to get used to their presence, as they flutters with her laughter.

"You know," they finally calmed down from their insane laughing, "I don't recall ever doing it in the elevator either," Blair admitted as her eyes fell on the closed entrance. She was feeling even more courageous now, since they weren't interrupted having unplanned sex with Chuck in her living room. The last time they took over the vicinity, she'd called the desk downstairs to make sure no one was allowed up, and had forcefully excused Dorota for the day and evening.

"First time for everything..." he was about to get up, but his limbs felt even heavier than before."In five minutes" he added, catching his breath again.

"I don't think the front desk will allow us to solely occupy the lift," she leaned over and kissed him, as her rational side kicked in.

"We could always used the elevators at The Palace then,"

"Too late," she smirked and kissed him again, recalling the time there, and the bar, the restaurant, the pool... The Palace already had Chuck and Blair all over it.

"Where else?" he asked, for the sake of knowing.

"The Empire," she finally added, and watched for a change in his expression. "Have you been there yet?"

"When I first got back... but it didn't feel right" he sighed. His eyes began to feel heavy, but he fought the sleep to spend as much time with Blair as he could.

"I'd go back with you if it helps... we could spend the night," she added, hopeful. She knew why he was staying at The Palace; it made sense to hold on to the past. But if she wanted Chuck to remember, then they'd have to move forward, and that meant leaving The Palace behind.

"Whatever you want," he didn't really care at that point. He took in her scent, and smiled. He felt most comfortable in her presence, may it be The Empire or the street corner. So long as she was there, he couldn't deem anywhere as unpleasant.

* * *

He would be waiting for her in the penthouse. She had kicked him out of his room to get ready, but he couldn't take it anymore. He re-entered his bedroom, but she wasn't there anymore. He exited and searched the penthouse, but she was nowhere to be found. He was about to reach the elevator, but an evil snicker stopped him in his place. A cold chill ran through him, sensing that someone had been watching him, but at turning to the sound, he saw no one. He kept looking around the room, from the living room, to the bar, to the pool table. It was empty.

The sensation returned, and this time he reacted much faster. Turned to face the man standing behind him. Cold blue eyes stared him down, and he had nothing but fear coursing through him once they locked on his. Fear of loss, fear of mistakes, fear of being wrong.

He woke up with a jerk that woke Blair as well. They were together, on her sofa as they had been earlier. Relief coursed through him, releasing the air he'd inhaled, just as Blair began to question if he was alright.

"Bad dream" he replied indifferently, looking over to her and smiling. He'd never let her go long enough for her to go missing. Never.

* * *

**The Humphrey Loft**

"Hey man," Dan greeted Nate standing at his door just as he was about to leave, "I thought we were meeting at the restaurant?"

"I just got back, and didn't really feel like spending time on the Upper East Side... think we can order pizza instead?" Nate was tired, worn out from the full day of events. Chuck and Blair were back together, Serena found out about his affair with Blair, and she wasn't at all disappointed at hearing it either. He'd hoped for more of a reaction, but it didn't seem like she cared at all.

"Sure, I'll order some"

An hour later, two beers each, and a lot of sports, Dan decided to finally ask what was going on with his friend.

"I slept with Blair," he replied just as he opened his third bottle of beer. Dan just watched him with a look that spelt out that he already knew, considering how long they dated. "Over this summer," he finally clarified.

"Oh," Dan took that in for a second before looking his friend over quizzically. "Why?" He didn't love her, at least not since they last talked.

"Have you not seen Blair?" He asked Dan incredulously. Her body alone was an irresistible appeal, but Dan only shrugged and agreed to that extent.

"Still..." Even then he found it hard to really visualize Blair as someone he would ever sleep with, or be attracted to.

"I don't know man, she's my first-" Dan turned to Nate challenging him with the detail about him being with Serena, and that Blair was with Chuck, so neither of them was exactly each other's firsts. "Love" he finally added. "You know you're not helping, making me spell out everything and all" Nate complained.

"Sorry, it's just a bit difficult. You and Blair. I thought that ship had sailed years ago, and you know Serena..." Dan didn't want to talk about the blonde, and he hadn't so much as asked about her since their last talk.

"It has. I don't love Blair, not like that... But Serena found out, and she barely cares either," Nate finally admitted the worry. "You'd think she'd at least get angry, but she just joked about it, saying its normal for us to want to turn the clock back and pretend everything is good"

"She's right." Dan felt rather fatherly by adding his input, but he knew he had to advise his friend, "You and Blair shared a comfortable relationship as kids. When you're young nothing could go wrong, and Serena's... well"

"Serena's Serena..." Nate laughed. "I'm sorry man," he patted Dan's shoulder. "How are things with Vanessa?"

Speak of the devil.

"Hey guys, I smell pizza" she walked over and grabbed a slice. It was probably cold by now, but she didn't care.

"Hey Vanessa," Nate waved to the girl, thinking it best to not bother hugging her or anything since everything. And when everyone just decided to stop talking, he thought it best to just leave. "I should actually get going, thanks for the food and the talk"

"Anytime, and I hope everything works out" Dan added

"Yeah, I heard about Chuck," Vanessa cut in. "I hope he gets better soon," giving her best hopeful smile to Nate.

He actually hated to admit that he'd completely forgot about that. It just felt like everything was going work out fine since he and Blair got back together, but it hadn't really. He should start tending to his friends, and forget girls. At least for now.

* * *

**The Empire**

"You're saying we did it in every room?" Chuck asked a little surprise as they exited the limo. A few bellboys came over quickly and carried a couple of bags in with them to take to Chuck's penthouse.

"Not every room, just every kind of room. We wanted to make sure that each would be able to withstand the workout," she whispered as they entered the hotel together. It felt like forever since she was last there, and the memories related to her last visit were far from pleasant. Still, she overcame it, and put on a smile for Chuck's sake. They made their way to the elevator, and he pressed the button to the penthouse instinctively.

The second the doors closed he turned around and captured her lips in a heated kiss. He was itching to do so in front of everyone, but his nerves kept him in check. He never felt nervous about displaying affection, but to his memory he never had affection to display before.

The doors opened and they both looked up at Nate greeting them with his best smile. He did after all still live there. "Welcome back Chuck," Nate actually walked over and hugged his friend.

"Well, aren't you happy" chuck pointed out.

"I missed my roommate man"

"We don't share a room though?" He hated how it sounded like a question. Of course he would never share a room with Nate. He wanted to have all the privacy he could have with Blair. And if that living arrangement was anywhere nears the case, he'd kick Nate out. But he wasn't sure, and that came out a little too obvious.

"No, come on" Nate just smiled.

They walked past the luggage the staff left in the hall for them and walked towards the bar to celebrate with a bottle of champagne.

Chuck froze at the end of the hall. The scene was almost perfectly identical to his nightmare, and he shuddered at Blair's side. She took his hand in hers and looked him over concerned. He needed a moment to shake the fear away, it was only a dream, but the place still felt uncomforting. He could almost hear the sinister laugh, but it was drowned out the second Blair spoke.

"Chuck?" His name sounded too wonderful coming from her lips to be disrupted by any other noises.

"I'm fine," he smiled to her, and continued towards the bar. "I'm actually kind of hungry," he added to seem even more casual, "let's order room service for dinner, and watch a movie?"

"Serena's on her way," Nate added. They were sticking together on this one, and Serena was as important to the recovery process as he was. "We'll have to order for her too" he smiled; glad to see Chuck was doing well enough. At least trying to.


	7. Chapter 7 pt1

**AN:**

**Before I begin I have to say a great thank you to everyone that has favorited, alerted, reviewed and read the story so far. The amount of feedback had been incredible. My phone had been constantly alerting me of emails from fanfiction and it really pushed me to update this faster. So a million and one thank-yous, and I hope you enjoy this new chapter.**

**I apologize for it being short, but I needed it to focus on a crucial point. Also, Warning of Mature content**

* * *

**Dr. Kan's Office**

"I had a bad dream," Chuck began. He was stretched out on the couch, studying the ceiling, with nothing but that haunting laughter echoing through his mind. "I was scared, and I wasn't even sure why"

"Was it about Blair?" She asked, but he shook his head no.

"It may have been my father, or..." he remembered those ice blue eyes, and hated the thought the second it crossed his mind, but it was still a possibility, "Nate".

"You're afraid of your best friend?"

"I'm afraid that my best friend is the only man capable of taking Blair away from me"

* * *

**The Empire**

"Nate," Blair greeted the blond once she exited Chuck's room, fully dressed for the day. "Did Chuck go to his session already?"

They were up all last night talking about the past. He would ask her about their time together, the endless games; and she would answer with as much detail as she could muster. She was more than happy to remember how good they were together, and let him know exactly how she felt; especially when he rewarded her with his genuine smile. But it wasn't easy whenever her mind wandered to the negatives she kept powering through.

"Yeah, he told me not to wake you," Nate smiled, excited at the prospect of seeing Blair around as often as before. With Serena leaving tomorrow for Brown, and classes about to start, it would be just the three of them left in the city. This current living arrangement couldn't last though. "Coffee?"

"Please," she took a seat at the bar, placed her bag on the marble top, and allowed her facade of cheer to finally crumble. She was happy with Chuck, but it was still, difficult.

"Bad night?"

"We just ended up talking about last summer... or at least I did," she accepted the mug. "He still doesn't remember a thing" she stated sadly.

"I was talking to him the other day, and he said something about your birthday party... but that was the extent of it." Nate admitted, taking the seat next to her. "I tried to see if he remembered anything else since, but..."

"He's never going to get better is he?" Blair finally asked the dreaded question. The worst case scenario had come true. He may care for her, greatly, but he had yet to even admit to those feelings. He hadn't yet expressed any, and at some level she hated that she hadn't forced it out of him. They did go through a lot to get to this stage of love and care, but Chuck forgot. He's lost those experiences, and at some level Blair felt it belittle their relationship.

For now, they were comfortable in their bubble. Everything was perfect, but they couldn't live like that forever. The bubble would burst at some point. Chuck had to run a business, which Nate, of all people; has been overseeing. The blond hadn't the slightest idea about hotel management, but he stood as an authoritative figure, at least while Lilly tended to Bass industries. Blair considered stepping in, but she had studies, and unlike Nate, she intended on a degree that required more from her than to excel at sports.

Their phones rang at the instance; hers chimed in her bag, as his vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out and glanced at the gossip girl blast. It wasn't pleasant, and when he passed it to Blair she was just as shocked.

"I'll take care of it," Nate took his phone back. He knew how this could affect Chuck, and there was no way Blair could handle this. "I'll make sure he's nowhere near Chuck." He was about to leave but Blair held him back.

"I'll come with you," she insisted. He only managed a nod, before helping her off the stall, and picking up her bag to be on their way.

The last they needed was an enemy on the island. With a prick, their bubble was bound to burst much too soon.

* * *

**Outside Dr. Kan's Office**

"Hello nephew," Chuck walked up to the man leaning against the limo. "Missed me?"

"Jack," he nodded as a civil greeting. He only recalled a few memories with the man, and they hadn't necessarily been bad. It was hard to believe his uncle could have been as manipulative as his friends had said, but he was a Bass after all.

"My my, how you've grown," he started to circle Chuck, a predator about to pounce. "Too bad your head's not in the game". Chuck only glared at the older man, suspecting nothing less than the worst.

"I know enough," he defended.

"So the Doctor was telling the truth," Jack smirked and finally stood close enough to stare down at Chuck. "Tell me... How did it feel when you heard that my dear brother had passed on?"

"Get to the point Jack," he practically spat, looking up at the man, detesting how he towered over him by a couple of inches.

"I just want to help you Chuck," he smiled, and backed up a little before placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I've been keeping an eye on you, making sure you were progressing well." He spoke with fake concern, "but when you fired Dr. Hughes, you left me no choice but to fly over and make sure you were alright"

"I know what you did. I know about The Empire, my mother-"

"Evelyn? Or... well she prefers Elizabeth now..."

"I know about Blair" Chuck concluded.

"Which encounter are you referring to exactly?" Jack fished, and by the look on Chuck's face he knew he caught himself a Bass. "Oh dear, has she neglected to tell you," he shook his head, amused by the ways he managed to affect Chuck. "I see that your _friends_ haven't been as honest with you as you think".

"Leave," Chuck practically barked. His blood boiled as he considered Jacks words.

"I'll see you around Chuck," he patted his shoulder a few more times before turning back to his car. "One more thing," he stopped and smirked just as he looked into the car he almost climbed in, "your mother says hello".

* * *

**The Empire**

Blair and Nate finally returned. They had hoped to find Jack, but after trying the hotel he'd been spotted at, and every other possible hotel he could have checked in, they gave up. Blair only suggested the idea that: Jack was staying in a place he'd recently bought. It that was the case, then their best shot was to locate Chuck's P.I. and have him investigate.

"You're back," Chuck's voice echoed throughout the unlit penthouse. Nate shot Blair a wary glance, but she merely prepared herself for the worst.

"Hey man," Nate was the first to speak, and reached for the light. The sun was already beginning to set, and with the blinds pulled down, Chuck was barely visible where he sat.

Chuck beat him to it, and switched on the lamp at his side, halting his friend's movements entirely.

"Tell me," he stood up, having drank a fair amount of alcohol by now. "What have you two been keeping from me?" He smirked and looked at Blair who was in obvious defense mode.

Neither replied as he sauntered towards them.

"I called Mike," he smiled meticulously. "He said you two were enjoying quite the summer together in Paris, and... Cannes was it," it wasn't a question as he traced the faint tan line along Blair's shoulder.

"That wasn't-"

"Please," Chuck intervened, not really interested in listening to Nate's attempt at an explanation. "You don't have to explain. I was dead after all," he mocked before walking around them and back to the bar. "Whom else have you been screwing?" Chuck was staring at Blair, and Nate only stood there looking between the two.

"Where exactly have you been getting your information from?" Blair challenged. To say the accusation was annoying would be an understatement. Even Nate doubted her for that split second when Chuck asked and she hated it.

"From me," Jack entered from the kitchen entrance, behind where the two stood, and walked over to where his nephew leaned against the bar, picking up the second glass that sat beside Chuck's. "I thought Chuck deserved to hear about our New Years together... It brought you back a second time after all"

"There was never a second time," she snarled, and looked over to Chuck. "Chuck,"

"Stop," he held up a hand and looked away. "I should have suspected nothing less when Blair Waldorf professed feelings for anyone other than Nate Archibald"

"She doesn't have feelings for me Chuck!" Nate finally spoke up, trying to get through to his friend who barely even looked at them. "Chuck," he called again, hoping he'd get his attention, "that man practically raped Lilly, he hired a woman to pretend to be your mom to get your hotel,"

"You mean Elizabeth?" Jack asked, but Chuck was the one to give the final answer.

"Elizabeth is my mother... she just doesn't want anything to do with me" Chuck snickered into his glass before drinking down the remaining contents. "Now, if you're done-"

"You heard the man," Jack interrupted, hoping to wrap it up before anything else could be said.

"Jack," he warned the older man, but once he realized he needn't the man's presence anymore, he merely dismissed him. "You can leave now"

Chuck knew better than to trust his uncle, but he still listened to what he had to say earlier. He'd asked Mike all about the information, and within a few moments he'd already extracted them from his files and provided Chuck with all he needed to know; including Nate and Blair's summer relationship. He apparently asked Mike to keep an eye on Blair before he left for the summer. He was thankful to hear, that, despite losing contact, the man still stuck with his job. All other details have been past events and facts that he easily proved true to Jack's word.

"Fine," Jack didn't like that Chuck sent him away so easily, but he'd control himself, for now. He walked towards Nate and Blair, and smiled menacingly once he stopped in front of the brunette.

Nate tried to come between them, but Blair held him in place. Nate jumping in would just lead Chuck into another conclusion all together. She knew Jack's game, and she knew he wouldn't dare start a scene, other than to prove a non existing point. Besides, if anyone was supposed to be protecting her, it was Chuck.

Jack took her hand in his, and pulled it up to give it a kiss. "I'll keep in touch," he finally left.

Chuck had realized that he'd always been jealous of Nate, but seeing his uncle that close to Blair enraged him to a new level.

"Chuck, what the hell?" Nate finally asked, taking a step forward.

"Nate, you can see yourself out..." he turned to retrieve a new bottle of scotch."I need to speak with Blair, alone"

"Like hell-"

"Nate," Blair held his arm again. She knew Chuck wasn't currently in his right mind, and it was probably dangerous to be alone with him right now. Nate had every reason to worry, but Chuck was right; they had to speak alone. She had to find out what kind of lies Jack planted in his head, and with Nate there she knew it would only aggravate him more. "Please"

He looked down into her pleading eyes and huffed in defeat. He didn't say a word as he retreated, tempted to go find Jack and start introducing him to his fist.

The elevator bell chimed behind her, but she remained focused on Chuck. He walked over to her with a new glass. He offered her the drink and stood a mere inch away from her.

She accepted it, barely gracing his fingers with hers, and took a sip.

"You know," he almost laughed, "I knew there was something wrong when you said you loved me," he drank the rest of his glass.

"I do love y-"

"Stop lying to me!" He yelled, sending the glass he just emptied hurtling towards the far end of the room.

Blair couldn't help but flinch once the glass shattered across the wall it collided against. "Chuck," she tried again, barely faltering as he returned with an angry scowl.

He was blinded by hate, rage, he was furious. He wanted to destroy her, make her crumble, plea and beg for no one else. He'd make her cry out his name, and he would pleasure himself with the idea that she had feelings for him. Because no matter how much she hurt him, she always managed to look luscious enough to ravish endlessly.

His hands moved quick, grabbing her waist and neck simultaneously. They moved backwards, until she hit the elevator doors. He finally forced his lips on hers, but she only struggled against him and pushed him away, instinctively slapping him when she had the chance.

She was panting, hurt, scared, unaware of what just transpired. She'd dropped her glass earlier, but barely heard it shatter as her ears rung with the beating of her heart. He seemed to calm down from the sudden hysterical thoughts, and looked disappointed before looking back at her.

"Blair," he pleaded through clenched teeth.

"No," she held her hand up; "I don't want to talk to you" she finally managed.

"Good," the anger returned, but this time he was in control, as he held her face and kissed her. It was completely different this time. His lips moved against hers, and it felt more than just an unwanted pressure. This kiss was filled with passion, and despite her best judgment she reciprocated.

The way they kissed was far from loving. It was hungry, animalistic, and he bit on her bottom lip to draw out a cry that made this all the more wild.

She dragged her nails across his scalp, and allowed him to force her against the elevator doors again. He grinded his hips against hers, and she moaned in the mixture of pleasure and pain. Her nails dug into the back of his neck, holding on for dear life as he assaulted her mouth. He winced, but only pushed against her harder, before finally picking her up.

She intuitively wrapped her legs around his waist as he guided them back to his bedroom. He dropped her on the bed, and stood in front of her, pulling at her clothes as she began to rip his. Her dress and his shirt came off with as much damage as possible, and his pants were forced down once she undid the belt.

He climbed on top of her, forcing her to back into the bed. He began to kiss her neck, before pulling her bra apart to reveal her breasts. He went to work on her well rounded mounds, biting and licking, drawing out moans and screams that wouldn't come close to what else he'd planned to hear from her.

Her hands were in his hair again, and moved down to grasp his shoulders. Her nails dug into his back, and she tore at his skin. She wanted to hurt him, needed to inflict a pain that equaled hers, but nothing sufficed. She finally caved into tainting him, marking his very skin, biting into the base of his neck with enough force to draw the slightest bit of blood.

He relished the pain she was currently punishing him with, enjoying the drive it built to continue. He sat up and pulled down his boxers enough to reveal his throbbing erection. His hands want to her sides, and began peeling off her underwear, smirking at how effectively turned on and ready she was. He didn't bother with prior administration to her needs, he wanted to take her now, and without much warning he drove into her. She screamed and he groaned at the familiarity of it all.

"Say it," he ordered breathlessly, his head resting on the pillow, beside hers. "Three words, say them!" his voice rasped against her ear.

"No," she challenged. She wasn't going to give in to his sick and twisted desires, so long as they don't comply with her own. She was livid. He'd just filled her in with one thrust, and had refused to continue. But she would power through, she'd pleasure herself if she had to, so long as she didn't have to admit to feelings she didn't feel right now.

"You should hate me," Chuck offered as he fought his instinct to keep thrusting. "I left you in Tuscany," he whispered against her ear; "I sold you out for a hotel," he added. "I slept with Jenny Humphrey" he concluded with an evil smirk.

She was in shock. She didn't know what to say, her heart hurt much more than it had a few moments, again, and her being throbbed with the need for him to begin fucking. She hated what he did to her, how he was being now. This Chuck, at this instant, she hated.

"Say it," he ordered again.

"I can't," it was barely a whisper, as she admitted it to herself. Despite how much she wanted to scream and yell at him, she couldn't. Her nails dug into his back harder, wishing nothing more than to grab his heart, and make it bleed.

"You're weak," Chuck finally gave into thrusting against her. He bit into her shoulder, and she cried out his name. She'd reached her peak, once, twice, three times... But he dragged it on. He forced this to last as long as he wanted, he didn't dare stop. He was fighting against his best instincts, controlling his body from giving in to a euphoric climax. His heart was aching in his chest, everything hurt, his mind was conflicting with memories he barely recognized, but she continued screaming, and he continued thrusting.

She finally asked him to stop before he hurt himself, but he barely heard her. She unclenched her hold on his shoulder and began to massage them in hopes he would relax, and stop over exerting himself. She knew this was dangerous, that it shouldn't go on, that he was beginning to hurt. Her arms held on to his upper torso, and within moments he final ended it. She winced at the sharper bite he took, realizing the fact he'd probably marked her as deep as she had him.

His muscles finally gave into exhaustion, causing him to collapse on top of her. They stayed like that for a few more moments. She held onto him, as he laid his head against her shoulder. It was a loving gesture that conflicted entirely with the hatred that flowed within each of them.

When he finally began to shift, she released him, and prepared to face hell all over again.

"I'm done with you," he finally bit out before retracting himself from inside of her. She was about to respond but he stopped her. "No one-" he couldn't finish the sentence as his mind went to the sight of her with Nate, or worse, his uncle. Regardless, he knew he had to hurt her, be it actions or words; "I've fucked your hard,-"

"But you're putting me away wet" she reiterated the words he spoke to her years ago. She gave him her best scowl as he readjusted his underwear.

"Exactly," he seethed, hating how well she knew his exact thoughts. He went to the closet, pulled on the first pair of trousers and shirt, slipped on the shoes he kicked off earlier and went to the door. "Good bye Blair"

"Chuck,"

He stopped before entering the elevator. He decided against walking back into the room, but stilled in his spot and anticipated her next words.

"You remembered."


	8. Chapter 7 pt2

**AN: This is more like part two of the last chapter, rather than its own, since both are short. It also gave a better impact to focus on two different, conflicting, sides of the story.**

**Thank you for the reviews, and for reading. I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

**The Empire**

Chuck sat on his bed for what felt like a decade of his life. He couldn't begin processing the thoughts that passed through his head. Some were as clear as day, others were barely words.

_3 words_

He desperately shifted through his memory to find them. He'd hoped that once he remembered something, he may just remember them, and it would all just click; but it hadn't. These memories are definitely his, but they didn't feel as real as the rest.

He recalls these particular incidents that in no ways should stand out:

This one night with a random hooker. He didn't even remember her name. Brunette, green eyes, long legs, massive breasts. Russian. He blocked those out for now, trying to focus on people he actually knew.

Blonde, skinny, freshman. Jennifer Humphrey was his first _victim_ that year, or would have been if her brother hadn't punched him in the face. The crack of her brother's fist colliding with his face echoed in his memory. But none of this was new. He remembers another time he'd been with Jenny. He was about to fuck another girl, but didn't. He couldn't remember why he had dismissed the old woman, but Jenny was there, and she forgave him for the first incident. She looked different, but he could tell it was her. The last memory was of her face as he dove into her, taking her innocence away. He recognised the feeling of confusion and worry that overcame him at that instant in the past, but that was the extent of it.

The room suddenly felt foul, tainted. He didn't remember it as an image in his memory, but he knew it was where he'd slept with her.

"Chuck," Blair finally spoke. He shivered at the noise. She wanted to reach out, touch him, and make it all better. Despite what just transpire, she still cared. She loved him too much, and at times, mostly likely like these, it felt terrible to love someone like him.

"Don't". She stopped her hand midway and lowered it to the bed once more. He didn't look at her, he just sat there. She dressed herself earlier in a robe before sitting on the edge of the adjacent side from where he sat.

His mind now thought back to a night where Blair had her hair up. She was wearing a silver, or gold dress, he couldn't pinpoint it. They were dancing, but she pushed him away. The image of her walking away after replayed a few dozen times before he turned around to see her with him. Still sitting by on her side of the bed, _Not with Nate_ was his second thought. He knows that that's where she went that night, he knew it, but couldn't see it.

Tuscany. The word reappeared over and over. His voice saying it, her voice saying it, but in never happened. Then all he could remember was her teary eyed face as she said words that has been said time and time again throughout their relationship, _"I went to Tuscany alone"_

* * *

**Around a corner, outside the Empire [Earlier last night]**

"Jack!" Nate called after the older man as he was about to slip into his limo. He would have shot a snarky remark, but Nate had him by the lapels of his jacket and shoved him hard against the side of the limo. The driver was quick to try and help Jack, but he held up his hand to stop him from interfering. Instead the other man in walked away and into the driver seat of the car.

"What's this really about Archibald?" He mocked. "Upset you and Blair can't be?"

"Shut the fuck up!" He shoved him against the limo again. "You're not allowed near us ever again, you hear me?" he was threatening the older man without a care. No one was around to stop him, and he was planning to use this to his full advantage.

"Or what, you'll have me killed?" Jack smiled menacingly. "It may be too late for you by then,"

* * *

**The Empire, Chuck's Suite [Now]**

"I don't remember much," Chuck finally admitted. He'd spent all night thinking, trying, sifting through it all. But it barely made up a few hours of memories rather than the years he'd lost.

"At least you remember something," Blair tried to sound positive. Her heart ached at the sight of him just ignoring her, but she knew he was thinking. He had to sort out a few thoughts after what happened. She stared at his clothed back, and tried to imagine the damage she'd done to him, not that it was new for them to go that far, but it was genuinely intended to hurt him. She wanted to hurt him for doubting her, and for everything he'd done, and for not remembering how good they were, and how they're always good together.

She regretted letting her resolve slip, but the more she thought about it, the more she knew she hadn't completely forgiven him. It was easier to just forget with him, remember the good times. If she'd have expressed the bad as well, then they probably wouldn't have been at Jack's disposal, as puppets to play with, again.

"Jack said you slept with him," it wasn't a question, but he'd wanted a confirmation, or the best possible explanation to forgive her. After everything he'd done, he was always wrong and in need of her forgiveness, but for once, she fucked up.

"I did, once." She added, before deciding on just telling him the story. "You were gone; you'd just broken my heart." He flinched at those words, but didn't speak up. He needed to hear this, wanted to know. "Jack came looking for you, and when he found out you disappeared he promised he'd bring you back"

"Where did I go?"

"You didn't tell me at the time," he was genuinely interested in that detail, "Thailand, and a few discrete places all over Asia."

"Then what?"

"It was New Years Eve; I had a little too much to drink. I started to wallow about having lost you, and he kept promising to find you, and was caring, and comforting-"

"What about Nate?"

* * *

**Outside [Earlier last night]**

The sting caught him by surprise. He let go of Jack and took a step back to study this sudden rush of pain at his side. He look down and there it was, a hunting knife sticking out of him as evidently as possible, and held in place by a gloved hand of Jack Bass.

He fell back a little, and felt his head begin to fall out of balance. His vision blurred, and all he could see was the smirking face of that bastard looking over him before it all went black.

* * *

**Chuck's Suite [Now]**

Blair's mind drifted back to earlier that summer.

Nate just arrived, and she'd been waiting for him at the airport with Serena, who was purely there to pick up Eric. Serena forced a smile for Nate, and slipped away with her brother as soon as she could, leaving Blair with the Archibalds.

His mother insisted she was too tired from her trip, and left the two of them to enjoy the rest of the day together. So, with not much else to do with Nate, they went out for coffee. They talked, for the first time in what felt like forever. They hadn't talked since he found out about the hotel. He'd been busy, she'd been busy, but it wasn't awkward to just pick up a conversation.

He told her about what happened with Serena, despite her already knowing from the blonde herself. She expressed her worry about Chuck disappearing all summer, and they both tried to find him that day.

It was funny how thinking of Chuck made her do the stupidest things.

They found out he was pretty much as MIA as they both predicted. She kept thinking that he'd just left her, ran away again, with no intentions of coming back. She was tempted to call Jack, but after the last time, she knew better. This time she ended up with Nate. They were upset, too sad about their individual partners to talk about it anymore, and they tried to focus on the good times they had together.

_"I really did love you Blair,"_

Those words hit her hard, and when she replied with her own, _"I loved you too"_ everything went to hell.

Nothing else existed. It was just them, remembering their sixteen-year-old selves, in love, without a care in the world. All the family problems, the heart breaks, the friendships gone bad, none of it mattered. They were alone, and they could do as they liked, and each just wanted to fuck.

"We were sad, alone... Nate and I tried to find you, but it seemed like you ran away and were never coming back. Nate was torn up about Serena, and I... I thought you left for good," Blair held her breath, waiting for Chuck's next question, but he remained unresponsive. She finally exhaled, having waited long enough, and went to redress herself with whatever clothes she left there.

* * *

"What if I never remember?" he finally asked the crucial question.

He wasn't the Chuck she said '_I love you'_ to originally. He wasn't even the same man who did all those terrible things either, but he could be, he had the potential to fuck it all up again. But the question that kept nagging at him now was, would she not wait and leave him for someone else?

"We make new memories" she smiled as a few stray tears dripped from her eyes and slid down her cheek. The look on his face when he asked was vulnerable in a ways she hadn't seen in a long time. He cared, he wanted it all to be better, and he wanted to make the hurt go away. "I want you to remember, but I want to be with you more," she reached for his hand, and brought it to her heart. It was racing, she was terrified, and everything seems to fray at the ends, but they were Chuck and Blair, they would survive. "I love you, I hate you, and I want nothing more than to be with you Chuck"

He looked her over critically. Blair Waldorf was saying the words he'd wanted to hear ever since he could remember. She was telling him how much she wanted him, how much she loved him, and sure she could hate him too if it meant he got the best of the triple deal. Yet he couldn't help the feeling that the smile would fade, that she would walk away in the blink of an eye. It hadn't.

Tears continued to stream down her face, but her smile was perfectly plastered on her face, and the image broke his heart a little. His hand reached up to wipe the tears from her cheeks, and she nuzzled her face into his palm, while holding onto his hand for dear life. She let out a small laugh, and he smiled in turn. It felt right, he wanted to be with her too; wanted to love her, even if he hated her at times.

She let go of his hand and touched his cheek, wiping a stray tear that escaped his blood shot eyes. He hadn't even noticed he'd been crying, and was surprised when she leaned over and kissed another teardrop away. Her arms went around him instinctively and she couldn't help muttering her love to him. "Don't forget this time." She finally added before pulling away.

He couldn't speak, his tongue felt swollen, and the lump in his throat seemed to hold in all the words in the world. He didn't weep, he didn't sob, but a tear would fall from his eyes with every blink. He watched her leave, watched her walk away, but said nothing. He heard her say those three words to him over and over, and he couldn't even say them. And after the worst thing he'd done, the dark thoughts he'd inflicted on her, she still stood by him. She still loved him.

* * *

They needed time; they needed to be away from each other to think. She was sure of herself, sure of her feelings, but she still needed some perspective. She still needed to acknowledge what happened, and although his tears spoke volumes of how much he cared, how much he loved her, he still doesn't know. He still hadn't said the words, and it wasn't difficult admitting her feelings to him, but to not have them said back to her was heart wrenching.

She stepped out of the empire, having wiped her face and applied a layer of powder in the elevator, and pulled on her sunglasses despite the early hour. She'd called the driver and was just getting into her car when her phone rang.

She glanced at the caller ID, and would have rejected the call if it wasn't this unexpected. Anne never called her _just because_.

"Hello Mrs. Archibald," she was all smiles, even if the women couldn't see her. A reflex she'd acquired over years when she'd speak to her, but it didn't last. Her face instantly fell at the news she was hearing, "I'll be right there."

She took a moment to breathe before looking up at the driver's reflection in his rear view mirror.

"Lenox hill hospital" the instruction came out as a bark and she quickly began typing away on her phone. She finally put it aside and focused on controlling her breathing, looking out of the window in hopes that he was alright.

**Nate's in the hospital**

**-B**

* * *

**Lenox Hill Hospital**

Blair walked into the waiting room and saw Anne frantically pacing the length of the area. Her head shot up from where she'd been glaring, and was quick to Blair's side.

"I'm so glad you came,"

"Of course, is he alright, what happened?" She asked hoping to sound calmer than the screaming voice in her head.

"They found him outside a basket ball court in Harlem,"

"Nate never goes to Harlem," she couldn't help but admit. Sure he enjoyed the thrill of a good drug, but he'd never step foot in Harlem to get any. "Are you sure?"

"Some kids saw him and called 9-1-1, but by then he'd already been bleeding for a while..." Anne barely manage to explain as the tears streamed down her face, and she continuously hiccupped, and lost her voice, but Nate was in a surgery right now, and that's all Anne could think about.

"Everything's going to be ok," Blair tried to calm the older woman, and maneuvered them to sit on one of the seats. She patted her back a few times before letting out a sigh. None of this made sense, but she'd have to ask Nate. He'd tell her himself, because no ways in hell is he going to die tonight.

* * *

"Blair?" Dan rushed up to the brunette sitting by Nate's mother. He'd gotten her text and rushed to the hospital as fast as he could. "What happened?"

"Nate was stabbed," she explained, still critical about the idea of it all, but it was the only response she really had. It shocked her to hear it over the phone at first, but having digested the idea, it really didn't make any logical sense. She knew Nate enough to know he wasn't one to find himself in that kind of trouble.

"How, where, when, is he still in surgery, Blair?" Dan was yelling frantically, which was the last thing she needed right now with Nate's mother wallowing at her side, but it was understandable as the voice in her head screamed ideas she tried to push aside for now.

"Calm down Humphrey, he's in surgery, but I'll go ask how it's going," she excused herself, gladly leaving the waiting room to find a doctor or a nurse, or anyone other than Dan or Anne to talk to.

"Blair?" She turned at the call of her name and saw Serena rushing to her. "I got your text, is he ok?"

"He's in surgery, I'm just about to ask…" she quickly looked around and stopped the first nurse that passed by. "Excuse me, could you possibly find out how Nathaniel Archibald's surgery is going?"

"I'm actually on my way to get more blood for him," she quickly replied and added, "He's lost a lot", before rushing off.

Both girls went white at the idea of Nate being in such a critical state. This was unimaginable, losing Nate was unimaginable.

All Blair could do in that instant was lock hands with the girl at her side. They stood there in shock, neither knowing whether to panic themselves, or care for their friend.

"Where is he?" They both turned at the sound of Chuck's voice. He sounded, irritated, upset, but most of all furious. His friend was not allowed to get himself into such a predicament, ever.

"He's still in surgery," Blair and Serena mumbled, clutching onto each others' hands, hoping everything would just go away and be good.

Chuck didn't seem satisfied and grabbed the first surgical intern by his clothes and barked his question again. "Where is Archibald?"

"Chuck!" Both girls pulled him off the poor man, who scurried off at the chance. "Stop being irrational," Blair finally scolded and dragged him to sit down on one of the seat in the hall.

"This can't be happening," he rubbed at his hair. "He was stabbed?" he had to make sure, even though both Dan and Nate's mom confirmed it, it still sounded ridiculous. "By who?"

Everyone wanted to know the answer to that question, but none could imagine anyone hating Nate enough to kill him.

Chuck didn't even wait for a response before pulling out his phone and calling up his PI. He barked orders into his phone as Blair clutched Serena's hand tighter and prayed to God that Nate was going to be alright.


End file.
